Paresh Patel - Shayari, Ghazal, Jokes, Funny Mail, Software

Google Celebrating 10th Birthday

2008-09-30T16:47:00.001+05:30

The Google doodle tradition started a long time ago (in summer 1999, in fact) when Larry and Sergey put a stick figure on the homepage to signify that they were out of the office at Burning Man. Nothing against stick figures, but our logo designs have become rather more varied since then. Today you'll see a special design that commemorates our 10th birthday. We've incorporated a little bit of history by using the original Google logo from 1998. And since everyone keeps asking what we'd like for our birthday (besides cake and party hats) -- the first thing we thought of was a nice new server rack.

source: http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2008/09/ten-years-and-counting.html

Beijing Olympic - Overall Medal Standings

2008-08-28T10:55:00.003+05:30

A haul of three medals - one gold (Abhinav Bindra) and two bronze medals (Sushil Kumar and Vijender Singh) - surpassed its previous best of two medals, a gold and bronze, achieved at the Helsinki Games, in 1952.

While Bindra, Sushil Kumar and Vijender had medals to show for their efforts, there were some, like Akhil Kumar and Saina Nehwal, in the 55-strong contingent, who did well but missed a medal by a whisker.

Here's a lowdown at India's performance in the Games.

Cut Your Cancer Risk

2008-07-01T02:43:00.000+05:30

What is cancer?

Cancer is an imbalance between cell growth and cell death, resulting in the accumulation of large numbers of cells.When cells pile up, its called a tumor, they can pile up like a fist or a tangerine, which can be taken out, and that's benign.Most of whats seen in breast and prostate tumors are benign tumors.The other kind looks like your open hand, although historically this is more dangerous, malignant cancer was compared to the spread-out crab-shaped stars in the constellation cancer.
Here are some best ways to minimize your cancer risk.The information here is specifically geared towards men-although, of course, much of it applies to women too.

1.Don't Smoke:

Simply by heeding that straightforward bit of advice, you can avoid 35% of all cancers.

2.Shun The Sun:
Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer, accounting for half of new cancer diagnoses in Western countries.People with fair skin, hair, and eyes are most susceptible. Don't want to get skin cancer?The you need to stay out of the sun, especially when it is strongest, between 10.00 am and 3.00 pm.If you must be in the sun at any time of the day, protect yourself with wide-brimmed hats, large sunglasses, and sunblock with an SPF of at least 15.Report any new, unusual, or changing moles or other marks on your skin to your doctor.

3.Live An Anti-Cancer Lifestyle:
No one who's been conscious the past two decades should be surprised to hear about the strong link between smoking, sun and cancer.There is a direct relationship between obesity and cancer as well as exercise and lack of cancer, there's also no question that diets rich in fruits and vegetables are very effective at preventing cancer.You really just have to adopt a cancer-prevention lifestyle, you have to exercise, eat right, and watch your weight.You have to stay out of the sun and you can't smoke.Even simple things like drinking 8 glasses of water a day, are very important.

4.Talk To Your Doctor If You Know You're At High Risk:
Your father had colon cancer, and so did an uncle and a cousin?You'll want to share a family pedigree like that with your physician, who will want to make sure you get earlier, more aggressive screenings than other men your age.A rule of thumb: Begin those screenings 10 years before the age your closest relative was diagnosed.Dad got the bad news at age 50?Start those screenings by age 40.

6.Supplements And Vitamins Might Help:
According to doctors, people who take vitamins C and E are a bit more protected than people who dont.Vitamin C especially has a very short lifespan, and unless you eat a lot of fruits and vegetables you probably aren't getting enough of it.For vitamin E, you can't really overdose on the stuff, and its a very good antioxidant. Taking selenium appears to reduce one's risk of developing prostate cancer.

7.If Prevention Fails, Catch It Early:
The next best thing to cancer prevention is early detection.If cancer is detected early when its still localised in the organ(where it originates) and when it hasnt had a chance to spread to other parts of the body, conventional therapy, surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, can cure patients 90% or more of the time.
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
Different Tests For Different Types Of Cancers:
There are only a few cancers for which official screening guidelines exist, although developing such guidelines is a top priority for researchers and cancer agencies.Her are some latest information on which screening tests are out there and what kind of progress is being made on developing tests for specific cancers:

Colon Cancer:
Common tests include the fecal occult blood test, which tests your stool for invisible amounts of blood;sigmoidoscopy , where the lower colon is visualized using a scope; and colonoscopy, where the whole colon is visualized.Many doctors recommend that guys over age 50 and sooner if they're at high risk, get a fecal occult blood test annually and a sigmoidoscopy every 5 years.

Prostate Cancer:
Common tests include rectal exams- the "finger tests" where the physician feels your prostate; and PSA tests, wher the level of a substance produced by the prostate is measured in your blood.

Lung Cancer:
Currently, no studies have firmly supported the use of imaging technology-like X-rays or CAT scans for the detection of lung cancer.However, some research groups are actively studying the effectiveness and safety of such techniques, such as using low-radiation, high resolution CAT scans to screen the lungs of smokers for early development of lung cancer.

Mouth Cancer:
The common causes of oral cancer:tobacco and alcohol.However they have a very good cure rate when they're caught early and very poor when they're allowed to advance.Your dentist should be screening for this-assuming you're scheduling regular appointments.

Testicles Cancer:
Although this type of cancer is rare it usually hits men aged between 15-35.Testicular cancer is highly curable if caught at an early stage, and men can greatly increase thier chances of an early diagnosis by performing a monthly self-exam-that is, by feeling manually for lumps in the testicles.

Anal Cancer:
Of particular concern to gay and bisexual men, anal cancer is similar to cervical cancer in that it, too, is caused by a sexually transmitted virus-the human papillomavirus.

Penile Cancer:
This is a rare cancer that some studies suggest is less common in circumcised than uncircumcised men.However, the issue may be more about hygiene or sexual promiscuity than the presence of extra skin.So, When doing you're testicle self-examination, go ahead and peel back your foreskin and look for anything weird going on-growths, discoloration, anything that looks unusual- and report any suspicious findings to your primary care doctor.

************ ********* ********* ********* ******

With all these tests available, how do you know which ones are right for you?That depends on your age and risk factors.Most cancers, with the exception of brain tumors, testicular cancer, and some leukemias, usually strike after age 50, so screening strategies should be stepped up as you age.Having a known genetic predisposition for a certain cancer-or many relatives with a specific cancer-places you at higher risk of developing that disease, so you need to screen for it more often.

Some truth about Marriage

2008-06-30T17:42:00.000+05:30

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the
only thing in life!!
-Anonymous

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
-Oscar Wilde

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
-Scottish Proverb

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-Sam Kinison

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
-H. L. Mencken

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
-H. L. Mencken

"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle."
- U2

Marriage is a three-ring circus:
-engagement ring
-wedding ring
-suffering

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.
-Anonymous

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
-Anonymous

Know Ur signature what does it mean....?

2008-06-29T09:33:00.000+05:30

SINGLE UNDERLINE BELOW THE SIGN!!

These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are a little bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life".

TWO DOTS BELOW THE SIGN !!

These persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their fiance as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other persons & they themselves try to look beautiful, they easily attract others.

SINGLE DOT BELOW THE SIGN !!

These persons are more inclined towards classical arts, simple & are very cool . If you loose faith with them, then these persons will never look back at you. Hence its always better to be careful with these people.

NO UNDERLINES OR DOTS BELOW THE SIGN !!

These persons enjoy their life in their own way, never pay attention to others views. These are considered to be good natured but are Selfish too.

RANDOM SIGN, NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN !! !

These persons try to be very smart, hide each & every matter, never say anything in straight forward manner, never pay attention to the other person of what he is talking of.

RANDOM SIGN, SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN !!

These persons are considered to be intelligent but never think. These people change their ideas & views as fast as the wind changes its direction of flow. They never think whether that particular thing is right or wrong. You can win them just by flattering them.

SIGN IN PRINTED LETTERS !!

These persons are very kind to us, have a good heart, selfless, are ready to sacrifice their life for the sake of their near & dear. But they seems to think a lot and may get angry very soon.

WRITING COMPLETE NAME AS THEIR SIGN !!

These persons are very kind hearted, can adjust themselves to any environment & to the person they are talking. These persons are very firm on their views & posses a lot of will power.

Sardarji Jokes

2008-06-28T16:32:00.000+05:30

# What is Common between: Krishna, Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

# Teacher to a Sardar: A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example,
Sardar: I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, So I Love your daughter.

# Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Woh RAM ke Mandir me gaya,
Ram ne kaha Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.

# Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310........ Now it is 6610"

# Santa: I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College,
Banta: Really, what is he studying, Santa : No he is not studying,They r Studying him.

# Santa Banta KO 3 live bomb mile, Police KO dene chale,
Santa agar koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..?
Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!

# Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. She rejected him. .. why ? ..
Because he writes a Love letter to her, "I LOVE U SISTER."

HEADLINES DATED 1ST JAN 2023:

2008-06-27T16:15:00.000+05:30

1. President Sonia Gandhi and prime minister Priyanka Gandhi receive Italy prime minister Rahul Gandhi.

2. Dhoom 17 ready for release.

3. I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar

4. Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage .

5. Abhi toh Mein jawan hoon - Dev Anand.

6. Petrol Rs.999 / litre (Bata price).

7. Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs.

8. Coach Ganguly resigns, as India is knocked out of World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea

9. Siddhu launches his own TV channal where he can speak and laugh for the whole day.

Legal and Logical

2008-06-26T12:47:00.000+05:30

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and
Organization", a student goes and confronts his
lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about
the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a
professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a
question. If you can give me the correct answer, I
will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do
not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the
exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the
question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but
not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the
professor cannot give the student an answer, and
therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as
agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student
and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and
married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but
not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which
is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have
given your wife's lover an "A", although he really
should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

How true....

2008-06-25T02:17:00.000+05:30

1.U love sum1....U marry some1 else.
The 1 u marry....becomes ur wife or husband.
N the 1 u loved .....becomes the password of ur mail id

2.There's only 1 perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only 1 perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.

3.Three dreams of a man:
To b as handsome as his mother thinks.
To b as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...

4.Husband & wife r like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife
kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with
other kidney.

5.Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachun ko karne
deinge.

6.What's the diff between Dava &d Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date.
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

7.Wife ko Begum q kehte hain?
qk shadi k bad sare gum to husband ke hisse me ate hain
or wife Be-Gum ho jati hay

Engineering Girls

2008-06-24T07:15:00.000+05:30

1.What is the beautiful girl in engg. called?
A Visitor.

2. What happens when all the engg. girls go on a trip
to the moon ?
Average beauty on the earth increases and that on the
moon decreases.

3. What happens when hundred new girls join an engg
college ?
Average beauty in the college further decreases.

4. What happens when two engg. girls meet at fashion
show?
They discuss the cause of the two smaller bugs in
software.

5. What happens when an engg. girl participates in a
fashion show?
She gets the highest score for morale boosting.

6. What happens if you present a book named "How to
fall in love" to an engg girl?
She uses it as a mouse pad.

7. When two engg girls participate in a beauty
contest, it's called a competition. When an
engg girl competes with a non engg girl, its called
overconfidence.

8. What happens when two engg girls compete for same
guy?
Some other girl will have him.

Sex-Life Insurance

2008-06-23T15:13:00.000+05:30

Recent studies have shown increasing demand of people not only seeking life insurance, but more specifically Sex-Life Insurance.

The insurance companies have formulated the following options:

Option 1:

If you sleep with your wife
-Legal & General

Option 2:
If you sleep with your wife in your car
- Auto & General

Option 3:
If you sleep with someone else's wife:
-Mutual & Federal

Option 4:
Sleeping with your mother-in-law
-Old Mutual

Option 5:
If you sleep with a Bushman-girl
-San-Lam

Option 6:
Sleeping with more than one person at the same time
-Prestasie or Multiplex

Option 7:
Taking advantage of the person you sleep with
-Liberty Life

Option 8:
Man sleeping with another man
-Hollard

Option 9:
Having sex on the spur of the moment
-Momentum

Option 10:
Sleeping with your ex-wife
-Outsurance

Option 11:
Sleeping with a prostitute
-Budget

Option 12:
Having sex with someone you don't even know
-Discovery

JOB for Female Post : Associate Girl Friend ( Trainee )

2008-06-22T05:10:00.001+05:30

There is an urgent requirement for following Position.. Please apply ASAP .
Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.

Designation : Associate Girl Friend ( Trainee )
Experience : FRESHER (Experienced candidate strictly prohibited)
Age : only 18 to 24( higher age girl need not apply).
Should be committed to work for 24*7.
Skills Required: Good looking, Fair (bold enough to come out anytime will an added advantage )
Preference would be given to beauty contest winner.
No preference would be given to any degree/diploma.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Perks and incentives.

Total gross ( Monthly ) : 3 gifts worth 300/-

30 bike rides each duration 2 hours

20 trips to Selective place in Chennai/Banglore/Hyderabad/Mumbai/Kolkatta/NCR

10 Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days

Daily Provision of Vada Pav / Samosa Pav / Pakoda worth of 5 /-

4 movies ( On choice ) per month on every weekend in PVR

Visits to Big Bazar, Life Style, Pubs and various malls.
Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to Demand

Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Provident Fund and Service taxes to be informed on joining

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

REFERRAL BONUS WILL BE GIVEN AS PER THE POLICY / IF PERFORMANCE IS HIGH THEN WILL BE PROMOTED TO NEXT GRADE "WOODBE" AND THEN TO "WIFE" IN 2 YEARS
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

All short listed candidates will be intimated over phone.
We would appreciate if you can refer / ask more potential candidates to meet the Recruitment team at the earliest

Note : Ex-girl friends will not be eligible for any referral benefits.

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

2008-06-21T20:06:00.000+05:30

Commandment 1 : Marriages are made in heaven, but so
again, are
thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2 : If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3 : Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at
least 100 grand!

Commandment 4 : Married life is very frustrating. In
the first year
of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In
the second year,
the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third
year, they both
speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5 : When a man opens the door of his car
for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or
the wife is!

Commandment 6 : Marriage is when a man and woman
become as one, the
trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7 : Before marriage, a man will lie awake
all night
thinking about something you said. After marriage, he
will fall
asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8 : Every man wants a wife who is
beautiful, understanding,

economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only
one wife.

Commandment 9 : Every woman wants a man who is
handsome, understanding,

economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law
allows only
one husband.

Commandment 10 : Man is incomplete until he marries.
After that, he
is finished.

Who is clever? Teacher or student??

2008-06-20T03:05:00.000+05:30

Who is clever? Teacher or student??

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didn't Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in seperate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.
Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?........... ....( 98 MARKS )
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!

True story from IIT Bombay ...Batch 1992-96

GRE Answer in Simple Question

2008-06-19T18:57:00.000+05:30

Thiz is Why I didnt take up GRE as yet !!

A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

************************************************** *******

NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

************************************************** *****

NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

************************************************** *****
NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

__________________

Think Positive

2008-06-18T17:03:00.000+05:30

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive
Think +++++++ve

A nice love poem for my friends

2008-06-17T03:51:00.001+05:30

hawa ke jhonke ki tarah zindagi mein
chale aaye the tum
khushiyon ki saugaat aur pyaar ke rang
sang laaye the tum
ghum ke gumnaam andhere mein
roshni ban kar chhaaye the tum
chahat ka ehsaas liye sukoon ban kar
dil mein samaye the tum
khushiyon se rangeen thi duniya
har pal jo mere paas the tum
ghum ke badal gehre hain
jabse juda hue ho tum
kyun yahan bekas akela hoon main
kyun wahan itne tanhaa ho tum
kyun toote sapne woh sare
kyun itni durr chale gaye ho tum
dil ki bebasi kaise kahun
aankhon se aansoo banke behte ho tum
tarasta hoon tere pyaar ko main
pal pal mujhe yaad aate ho tum

finding positive out of every negative

2008-06-16T15:49:00.000+05:30

This is nice - finding positive out of every negative - which we don't
always manage to do. I am thankful...

1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep
with me and not with someone else.

2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes,
because that means she is at home & not on the streets.

3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have
been surrounded by friends.

5. For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have
enough to eat.

6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the
sunshine.

7. For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning
because it means I have a home.

8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it
means that we have freedom of speech.

9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed
with transportation.

10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbours because it means
that I can hear.

11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have
clothes to wear.

12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it
means I have been capable of working hard.

13. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it
means that I am stilll alive.

14. If the boss scold me for my mistake, I will feel happy because it means he is showing interest towards Me

Oracle's Real-Life Q & A

2008-06-15T04:46:00.001+05:30

Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. 'Parent keys not found!'

Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. 'Duplicate value on index!'

Q. What if the golf ball doesn't get into the hole at all?
A. 'Value larger than specified precision!'

Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else's girlfriend and
get kicked out?
A. 'Insufficient privileges on the specified object!'

Q. What if you don't get any response from the girl next door?
A. 'No data found!' or ' Query caused no rows retrieved !'

Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. 'SELECT INTO returns too many rows!'

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. 'Invalid number' or ' Object doesn't exist!'

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A.. 'Object is found mutating!'

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. 'Discrete transaction failed!'

Q. What if you see 'theatre full' when you go to a movie?
A. 'Maximum number of users exceeded!'

Q. What if you don't get table in the lunch room?
A. 'System out of tablespace !'

Chanakya's Quotes - Worth reading a million times…

2008-06-14T05:42:00.000+05:30

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first
and Honest people are victimised first."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC 75 BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Even if a snake is not poisonous,
it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"The biggest guru-mantra is:
Never share your secrets with anybody. !
It will destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no Friendship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions -
Why am I doing it,
What the results might be and
Will I be successful.
Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"As soon as the fear approaches near,
attack and destroy it."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Once you start a working on something,
don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Books are as useful to a stupid person
as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Education is the best friend.
An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Guess The Cricket Player ........

2008-06-13T20:40:00.000+05:30

Try to answer if u can......... based on minimum no of clues...!

Clue no: 1 - In an Historic match between India and England, he
served as a captain.....

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Clue no: 2 - He was the Opening bowler in that match....

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Clue no: 3 - He was also the Opening batsman in that match....

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Clue no: 4 - He is the one who bowled the last ball of his

innings....

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Clue no: 5 - He was the one who faced the last ball of the

innings....

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Still u didn't get it...... oops.....

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Clue no: 6 - He took the last wicket of the innings.....

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Clue no: 7 - He was the man of match in that particular match....

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Okay atleast after this easy one

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Clue no: 8 - He won the match for his team by hitting a sixer in the

last ball........ Who is HE .

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Not yet

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Okay Let us see answer....

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It is..........

Aamir Khan in Lagaan

For all the men who are interested!

2008-06-12T02:36:00.000+05:30

How to make a woman happy

and

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

To make a woman happy
..... A man only needs to be:

1. A friend

2. A companion

3. A lover

4. A brother

5. A father

6. A master

7. A chef

8. An electrician

9. A carpenter

10. A plumber

11. A mechanic

12. A decorator

13. A stylist

16. A psychologist

17. A pest exterminator

18. A psychiatrist

19. A healer

20. A good listener

21. An organizer

22. A good father

23. Very clean

24. Sympathetic

25. Athletic

26. Warm

27. Attentive

28. Gallant

29. Intelligent

30. Funny

31. Creative

32. Tender

33. Strong

34. Understanding

35. Tolerant

36. Prudent

37. Ambitious

38. Capable

39. Courageous

40. Determined

41. True

42. Dependable

43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls ?????????

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself 52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him alone

Alchoroscope

2008-06-11T01:32:00.000+05:30

BASED ON YOUR SUN SIGNS YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK !!

ARIES : Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometime sdon't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk I sa good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china- shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no.. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI Drinking style Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention- spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware that they're the darling --Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one who they were with :-) But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the sub genius IQ!

LIBRA Drinking style "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Frienddevice set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the roomor even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them seethe sauce as something to savor in itself, and not asa personality- altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun . Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who're you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well(except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality --with Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know. ...

Beauty of Math!

2008-06-10T22:20:00.000+05:30

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

>Now, take a look at this....

101%

From a strictly mathematical

viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to

give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say

they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where

someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

>Here's a little mathematical formula

>that might help answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

If:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

>THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E -O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with

mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get

you close, and Attitude will get you

there, it's the Love of God that will

put you over the top!

How to put the right person in the right chair?

2008-06-09T18:33:00.000+05:30

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment.

Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:

If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks - PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.

If they are arranging the bricks in some other order - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.

If they are sleeping - PUT THEM IN SECURITY.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces -PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.

If they are sitting idle - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.

If they have thrown the bricks out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.

If they are clinging onto the bricks - PUT THEM IN TREASURY.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved -PUT THEM IN SALES.

If they have already left for the day - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.

If they are staring out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT.

AND last but not least..........

If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT

Tech Support:Girlfriend 5.0 to W i fe 1.0

2008-06-09T12:29:00.002+05:30

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all
other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5,
and Outings 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I
can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my
favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall'
doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system
once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to
allow this.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate
software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook
1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once
this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0
and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support ...

intelliGent answers

2008-06-08T14:15:00.000+05:30

Question and the Answer given by Candidates, oh sorry they are IAS
(Indian Administrative Services - THE most difficult examination in
India. Candidates are graduate Officers now.

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it
take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four
apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with
one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33 R ank )

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one
really difficult question.

Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a
while and said,
"my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on the
correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the
DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND
difficult question!"

He was selected for IIM!

Introductions: 2 men and 1 women

2008-06-08T10:04:00.000+05:30

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:

A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

B. 2 French men and 1 French woman

C. 2 German men and 1 German woman

D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman

F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman

G. 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

H. 2 American men and 1 American woman

I. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman

One month later, on various parts of the island, the
following was observed:

A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.

C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.

D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.

E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.

F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican woman.

G. The two Irish men began by dividing up their part of the island into Northern & Southern parts, and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember the Irish woman because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey; but at least the English are not getting any.

H. The two American men are contemplating suicide. The American woman is bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of the household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much better, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.

What happened to the Indians ??????

scroll down............................

Down
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Down...........................................

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The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman!!!

How to Answer the Tough Interview Questions

2008-06-07T13:54:00.000+05:30

A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk their way into an interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they stumble upon tough questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the tough questions that interviewers like to throw at job applicants:

Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer: It sucked.
What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were underutilized.

What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer: I can't concentrate for more than five minutes, hate all forms of authority and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
What you should say: I'm a workaholic. I just don't know when to put down my work.

You don't seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you'll stay here any longer than you've stayed elsewhere?
Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only competent employees..
What you should say: I'm at a point in my career where I am tired of moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a contribution.
For all those of u aiming for job switches...............

How do you handle change?
Real answer: I deal with it everyday, unless I'm out of clean underwear.
What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.

How do you get along with others?
Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my face.
What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.

What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer: It means that I don't have to drag my sorry ass out of bed to kiss yours.
What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable enterprise.

What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
What you should say: Failure? I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean. That word is not in my vocabulary.

Do you get along with your current boss?
Real answer: I get along fine, considering what kind of a malicious person he is.
What you should say: I don't think I'd call him a boss; he's been more of a mentor to me.

Do you ever get angry with co-workers?
Real answer: I don't get angry, I get even.
What you should say: Nothing angers me more than to see a co-worker not pulling his weight, goofing off or stealing. Yes, sometimes I do get angry with co-workers.

Can I contact your references?
Real answer: Sure, but they won't know who I am.
What you should say: Some of them are out of the country right now. Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.

Tax structure in India - Funny but true!!!

2008-06-07T09:25:00.001+05:30

Some one Help me on TAX......... .

1) Qus. : What are you doing?

Ans. : Business.

Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?

Ans. : Selling the Goods.

Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) Qus. : >From where are you getting Goods?

Ans. : From other State/Abroad

Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?

Ans. : Profit.

Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

5) Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?

Ans : By way of dividend

Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax

6) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?

Ans. : Factory.

Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

7) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

8) Qus. : Do you have Staff?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

9) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!

Ans : No

Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

10) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?

Ans. : Yes, for Salary.

Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?

Ans. : Hotel

Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?

Ans. : Gift on birthday.

Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?

Ans. : Cinema or Resort.

Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

17) Qus.: Have you purchased House?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

18) Qus.: How you Travel?

Ans. : Bus

Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

21) INDIAN :: can i die now??

Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!

BILL GATES OF MICROSOFT (MODIFIED VERSION OF DIL TO PAGAL HAI)

2008-06-07T03:50:00.001+05:30

BILL TO PAGAL HAI.......
BILL DEEWANA HAI.....

ACHCHHE BURE SOFTWARES BANVATA HAIN YAHI,
HASATA HE YAHI, RULATA HAIN,
USME PHIR 'BUGS' DALTA HAIN WOHI,
AUR SOLUTIONS BHI NIKALTA HAIN,
BILL TO PAGAL HAI.......
BILL DEEWANA HAI.....

IS BILL KI BATO MEIN JO AATE HAIN,
WOTO OOLLOO BAN JATE HAIN,
SOFTWARE TO DUSARE BHI BANATE HAIN,
BANAKE MAGAR KHO JATE HAIN,
HMMM BILL TO PAGAL HAIN.......
BILL DEEWANA HAIN.....

SOFTWARES KO MAIN NA PEHCHANOONGI,
WORKING BHI NA MEIN USKA JANOONGI,
MICROSOFT KA LOGO BASS MEIN DEKHOONGI,
BILL JO KAHEGA WOHI MANOONGI.
BILL TO PAGAL HAIN.......
BILL DEEWANA HAIN.....

BILL KA KEHNA HUM SAB MAANE,
BILL NA KISI KI MAANE,
USKI STRATEGY JAAN LI HAMNE,
EK WOHI NA MAANE.
BILL TO PAGAL HAIN.......
BILL DEEWANA HAIN.....

CHHODO YE BILL SAB KAHANIYA,
BUGS KI HAIN SAB NISHANIYA,
PROGRAMMERS KI SARI PARESHANIYA,
IS BILL KI HAIN YE MEHERBANIYA.
HMMM BILL TO PAGAL HAIN BILL DEEWANA HAIN...

TAJ MAHAL POETRY

2008-06-06T16:38:00.001+05:30

As a bachelor:
takdir hai magar
kismat nahi khulti
taj mahal banana chahata hoon
magar mumtaj nahi milti.

As a lover:
takdir hai magar
kismat nahi khulti
taj mahal banana chahata hoon
mumtaj mil gai hai magar woh shaadi nahi karti.

As a husband:
takdir hai magar
kismat nahi khulti
taj mahal banana chahata hoon
magar mumtaj nahi marti.

Some basic facts of life which applies to the Salaried People!!!

2008-06-06T15:50:00.000+05:30

Bank Balance
First Week : 10000
Second Week : 1000

Third Week : 100
Fourth week : 10

Conveyance
First Week : Auto ("I can afford it")
Second Week : Share Auto ("I would like to share. I am selfless!")
Third Week : Bus ("Public figures should travel by public transport")
Fourth week : Walk ("Good for health")

Girl friends
First Week : Eena, Meena, Tina ("I can BUY love")
Second Week : Meena, Tina ("I have enough girl friends")
Third Week : Tina ("I am loyal to her")
Fourth week : "Huh! There is no pure love on earth!"

Mobile Maintenance
First Week : Frequent outgoing calls ("This is what mobile is invented for")
Second Week : Restricted o! utgoing calls ("I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines")
Third Week : Rare outgoing calls ("Mobile should be used in urgent situations only")
Fourth week : Only incoming calls ("I am not going to call her until she calls me")
And last....but not the least...

Boozing
First Week : "Come, let's go to Chennai and freak out!"
Second Week : "Man, there is nothing in Chennai. Let's go to pondi."
Third Week : "The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. what
say?"
Fourth week : "Drinking is injurious to health"

A small touching story ....

2008-06-06T14:05:00.002+05:30

A small touching story mainly for professionals...

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.

SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.

SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour."

SON: "Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?"

The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs.50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier" said the man.

"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you.. Here's the Rs.50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy, I have Rs.100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?

Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.

But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Main Aur mere roommates

2008-06-05T15:04:00.001+05:30

(Dedicated to all those who have shared an apartment.)

aksar Yeh Baatain Karte Hain...
Ghar saaf hota to kaisa hota
Main kitchen saaf karta,tum bathrooom dhote
main hall saaf karta, tum balcony dekhte

Log is baat pe hairaan hote
aur us baat pe haste....
Main aur mere roommates ,
aksar Yeh Baatain Karte Hain !!!

Yeh hara bhara sink hai
ya bartanon ki jang chidi hui hai
Yeh colour full kitchen hai
ya masalon se holi kheli hai

Hai farsh ki nayi design
ya doodh,beer se dhuli hui hain

Yeh cellphone hai ya dhakkan,
sleeping bag ya kisika aanchal,
ye airfreshner ka naya flavour hai,
ya trash bag se ati badboo
Yeh pattiyon ki hai sarsarahut
ke heater phirse kharab hua hai
Yeh sonchta hain roommate kab se gum sum -
Ke jab ke usko bhi yeh khabar hai
Ke machar nahi hai, kaheen nahi hai
magar uska dil hai ke kah raha hai
machar yaheen hai, yaheen kaheen hai !

Toand ( pet ) ki ye haalat, meri bhi hai, uski bhi,
dil mein ek tasvir idhar bhi hai, udhar bhi !!!
Karne ko bohot kuch hai magar kab kare hum
Kab tak yoon hi is tarah rahe hum
Dil kahta hai Safeway se koi vaccum cleaner la de
ye Carpet jo jine ko zoonz raha hai, fikwa de
Hum saaf rahe sakte hai, logon ko bata dain,
Haan hum roommates hai - roommates hai - roommates hai
Ab dil main yehi baaaat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi......
Sab ko bata dain.........

PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION IN AND OUTSIDE INDIA

2008-06-05T14:39:00.001+05:30

1. MOTHER-IN-LAW:
IN INDIA - A WOMAN CAPABLE OF MAKING YOUR LIFE MISERABLE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A WOMAN YOU NEVER FIGHT WITH, BECAUSE WHERE ELSE YOU WILL FIND SUCH A DEDICATED BABY SITTER FOR FREE?

2. HUSBAND:
IN INDIA - A BORING HUMAN SPECIES, WHO LISTENS MORE TO HIS MOTHER THAN YOU, AND ORDERS YOU AROUND TO SERVE HIM, HIS PARENTS AND SIBLINGS.

OUTSIDE INDIA - STILL BORING, BUT NOW A USEFUL HUMAN SPECIES THAT COMES IN HANDY WHEN THE HOUSE NEEDS TO BE VACUUMED.

3. FRIEND:
IN INDIA - A PERSON WHOSE HOUSE YOU CAN DROP INTO ANY TIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WELCOME.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON WHOM YOU HAVE TO CALL FIRST TO CHECK AND MAKE SURE HE IS NOT BUSY.

4. WIFE:
IN INDIA - A WOMAN WHO GIVES YOU YOUR UNDERWEAR AND TOWEL WHEN YOU GO TO TAKE A SHOWER.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A WOMAN WHO YELLS AT YOU NOT TO LEAVE TUB DIRTY WHEN YOU GO TO TAKE BATH.

5. SON:
IN INDIA - A TEENAGER, WHO WITHOUT ASKING WILL CARRY YOUR GROCERY BAGS FROM THE MARKET.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A TEENAGER, WHO SUDDENLY REMEMBERS HE HAS LOT OF HOMEWORK WHEN YOU START MOWING THE LAWN.

6. DAUGHTER:
IN INDIA - A LOVELY DOLL, WHO BRINGS TEARS TO YOUR EYES DURING HER MARRIAGE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A LOVELY DOLL, WHO BRINGS YOU TO TEARS LONG BEFORE HER MARRIAGE.

7. FATHER:
IN INDIA - A PERSON YOU ARE AFRAID OF, AND WHO IS NEVER TO BE DISOBEYED.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON TO WHOM YOU PRETEND TO OBEY, AFTER ALL HE IS THE ONE PAYING YOUR COLLEGE TUITION.

8. INDIAN ENGINEER:
IN INDIA - A PERSON WITH A RESPECTABLE JOB AND EARNING LOTS.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON WITHOUT A SECURE JOB, WHO ALWAYS DREAMS ONE DAY HE WILL BE RICH.

9. DOCTOR:
IN INDIA - A RESPECTABLE PERSON WITH OK INCOME.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A MONEY MAKING MACHINE, WHO HAS A MONEY SPENDING MACHINE AT HOME CALLED "DOCTOR'S WIFE".

10. BHANGRA:
IN INDIA - A VIGOROUS PUNJABI FESTIVAL DANCE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - A DANCE YOU DO, WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DANCE.

11. SOFTWARE ENGINEER:
IN INDIA - A HIGH-TECH GUY, ALWAYS SPEAKS IN AMERICAN ACCENT, ALWAYS ANXIOUS TO QUEUE IN THE CONSULATE VISA LINE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - THE SAME HI-TECH GUY, WHO DOES GANAPATI PUJA EVERYDAY, AND SAYS 'THIS IS MY LAST YEAR IN THE US (OR WHEREVER) 'EVERY YEAR.

12. A GREEN CARD HOLDER BACHELOR:
IN INDIA - THE GUY CAN'T SPEAK HINDI, PARENTS OF GOOD LOOKING GIRLS ARE DYING TO HOOK HIM, WEARS JACKET IN SUMMER, SAYS HE HAS A BMW BACK THERE.

OUTSIDE INDIA - THE GUY CAN'T SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH, WEARS JACKET ALL THE TIME, WORKS IN A CANDY STORE AT MANHATTAN, DREAMS OF OWNING A BMW.

Sholay in Computers Company

2008-06-05T14:31:00.001+05:30

Sholay in Computers Company

At the THAKUR's den...
========================

Gabbar sends Kaalia and his other two colleagues to Ramgad for collecting the 'loot-maar' software which he had ordered. They reach Ramgad and start shouting:

Dhaniya, an old man comes out with a floppy in his hand.

Kaalia - "Kya laye ho dhaniya?"

Dhaniya - "Financial Accounting software hai sarkar."

"Abe O Thakur! Baahar nikal !! Kahan hai wo loot-maar software, jo
hamne order kiya tha?"

Thakur comes out of his house with anger, saying: "Chillao mat kaalia !! Jaakar gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai"

Kaalia - "Bahut garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya??"

Thakur - "Nazar utha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai".

Kaalia lifts his head. He sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another water tank, punching the keys of a Laptop.

Kaalia starts laughing and says: "Haa Haa...Ye log programming karenge thakur? Haa haa... in ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate. Suno ramgad ke vasiyon, thakur ne hijdon "ki software company banaayi hai"

Veeru shouts: "Chup-chap chala ja kaalia. Ham log consultants hain, kuch bhi kar sakte hain"

Jay hits some commands on his keyboard. Then says: "Jao kaalia, gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya"

Kaalia - "Jaata hoon thakur. Agar gabbar ko pata chala ki Thakur Software walon ne uska loot - maar software nahin banaya, to wo poore network mein virus daal dega"

At the GABBAR's den...
========================

GABBAR: "Kittnay bugs thay"?

KALIA: "Do sarkaar"

GABBAR: "Woh do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhee fix nahin kar sake? Kya soch kay aaye ho?
Gabbar bahut khus hoga? Naya assignment dega, kyoon?

Iski saja milegi.. Barobbar milegi"

[ Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa ]

"Kitne sessions hain, is machine mein?"

Sambaa: Chhey Sarkaar.

GABBAR: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naa-insaafi hai.

[logout.. logout... logout....]

Haan.. ab theek hai... Ab tera kyaa hoga kaalia?"

KAALIA: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha, sarkar?"

GABBAR: " To ab documentation likh !!!"

--[LOGOUT... LOGOUT.. LOGOUT...]--

Connection Terminated.

ONLY english language

2008-06-05T10:28:00.001+05:30

Try the word "only" at every position in this sentence:

"I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME"

"ONLY, I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME"

"I, ONLY ASKED HER TO MARRY ME"

"I ASKED ONLY HER TO MARRY ME"

"I ASKED HER TO MARRY ONLY ME"

"I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME ,ONLY"

THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE"

2008-06-04T23:39:00.000+05:30

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open.

He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?

ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother.
Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. " A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know.
By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E.
HAPPY LIVING LIFE.

Life Cycle or Rather Wife Cycle

2008-06-04T20:36:00.001+05:30

Life before marriage is AIRTEL
"You can express ur self".

During honeymoon it's RELIANCE-
"Always get in Touch".

After Honeymoon it's HUTCH
"Wherever u go ur wife network follows".

After one year Life is IDEA
"Your wife can change ur life".

After 10 years Life is BSNL
"Subscriber is not reachable".

Dont Marry

2008-06-04T17:57:00.002+05:30

Dont Marry AIRTEL girl, she will do magic on you.

Dont Marry BSNL girl, she has connections with all indians.

Dont Marry IDEA girl, she touches you tommorrow.

Dont Marry RELAINCE girl, she takes you in her mutthi mein.

Dont Marry BPL girl, she belives in the best and leave you for the rest.

Marry only HUTCH girl, she follows you where ever you go!

Roles in Heaven

2008-06-04T17:42:00.003+05:30

Brahma:- Systems Installation
Vishnu:- Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi:- Finance and Accounts consultant
Saraswati:- Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva:- DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh:- Quality Assuarance & Documentation
Narada:- Data transfer
Yama:- Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta:- IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras:- Downloadable Viruses
Devas:- Mainframe Programmers
Surya:- Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas:- In house Hackers
Ravan:- Internet Explorer WWWF
Kumbhakarnan:- Zombie Process
Lakshman:- Support Software and Backup
Hanuman:- Linux/s390
Vaali:- MS Windows
Sugreeva:- DOS
Jatayu:- Firewall
Dronacharya:- System Programmer
Vishwamitra:- Sr. Manager Projects
Shakuni:- Annual appraisal & Promotion
Valmiki:- Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
Krishna:- SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle)
Yudhishthira:- ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)
Arjun:- Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Abhimanyu:- Trainee Programmer
Draupadi:- Motivation & Team building
Bhima:- MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
Duryodhana:- Microsoft product Written in VB
Karna:- Contract programmer
Dhrutarashtra:- Visual C++
Gandhari:- Dreamweaver
Shani:- Test engineer: frequenty detecting bugs.

film stars work for call centers

2008-06-04T17:30:00.000+05:30

IF film stars work for call centers, Imagine the calls.

Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care rep hain...

Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga..

Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa.......
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna

Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!

Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa

Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...

Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep hooon..

Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...

Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega....

Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai

Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle

Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...

And at last ............
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone....

Interesting observation

2008-06-03T14:13:00.000+05:30

Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere
in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the
spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the
spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)

And

Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings
of entire English Counting

Deadlock situation...

2008-06-02T12:22:00.000+05:30

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.

Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has canceled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement.

Ultimate Joke - Before and After Marriage!

2008-06-02T11:37:00.000+05:30

Before marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

Now after the marriage you can read it from below to top.

DONT ACT THE 7 ACTIONS BELOW AFTER YOU HAVE A MEAL

2008-06-01T23:35:00.000+05:30

Don't smoke- Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).

Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. Thi s substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.

Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.

Don't bathe - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.

Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.

Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

Some very Good and Very bad things ...

2008-06-01T00:11:00.000+05:30

The most destructive Habit....................Worry

The greatest Joy.........................Giving

The greatest loss.............Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work...........Helping others

The ugliest personality trait ..........Selfishness

The most endangered species.......Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource.........Our youth

The greatest 'shot in the arm' ……….
Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome..........Fear

The most effective sleeping pill........Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease......Excuses

The most powerful force in life................Love

The most dangerous pariah...........A gossiper

The world's most incredible computer.......The brain

The worst thing to be without................ Hope

The deadliest weapon...................The tongue

The two most power-filled words..........'I Can'

The greatest asset..............................Faith

The most worthless emotion..............Self-pity

The most beautiful attire......SMILE!

The most prized possession..............Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication.....Prayer

The most contagious spirit.............Enthusiasm

The most important thing in life...........GOD

The Corporate language !!

2008-05-31T12:16:00.000+05:30

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"

"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"

"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".

"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"

"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"

"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."

"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"

"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Stupid Questions With Smart Answers

2008-05-28T11:55:00.000+05:30

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of
the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes
out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of CO-INCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."

Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Computer Vs. Hindi Films

2008-05-26T15:59:00.000+05:30

1) Pentium III & Pentium I - Bade miyan and Chhote miyan.

2) Computer infected by Virus - Pyar to Hona hitha.

3) Mouse - Jaanwar.

4)F1 - Guide.

5) Esc - Nau Do Gyarah.

6) Ctrl+Alt+Del - AkhriRastaa.

7) CrtlC + CtrlV - Duplicate.

Undo - Aa ab lautchale.

9) Super User Password - Gupt.

10) BackUp - Jaagteraho.

11) UPS - Janta Hawaldar.

12) Server -Godfather.

13) Proxy Server - Padosan.

14) Security -Nakabandi.

15) Storage - Tehkhana.

16) Storage capacity -Badhti ka naam Dadhi.

17) Computer without RAM - KoraKagaz.

18) Computer whose OS is DOS - Buddha mil gaya.

19) System which frequently requires bootable disk - Sharabi.

20) DumbTerminal - Anari.

21) Hard disk and Floppy disk - Gharwaali Baharwaali

27 Ways to treat your girlfriend

2008-05-25T04:20:00.000+05:30

1. Tell her she is beautiful (not hot, fine, or sexy)

2. Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.

3. Kiss her on the forehead.

4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

5. Always tell her you love her every second of the day.

6. When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.

7. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.

8. Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

9. Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

10. Write her notes. (she loves them)

11. Introduce her to family and friends . . . as your girlfriend.

12. Play with her hair.

13. Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.

14. Sit in the park and just talk to her.

15. Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, or just tell her jokes.

16. Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night . . . just because you missed her.

17. Let her fall asleep in your arms.

18. Carve your names into a tree.

19. If she's mad at you, kiss her.

20. Give her piggyback rides.

21. Bring her flowers

22. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.

23. Look her in the eyes and smile.

24. Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

25. Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.

26. Kiss her in the rain.

27. If you are in love with her . . . tell her.

Newton in Romantic Mood

2008-05-23T00:40:00.000+05:30

Universal law of Love:
" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from
One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

First law of Love:
" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "

Second law of Love:
" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "

Third law of Love:
" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
to the force applied by the girl while slapping."

20 reasons why life without a girlfriend is cool

2008-05-21T15:38:00.001+05:30

1. You can stare at any Girl

2. You don’t have to spend money on her.

3. You won’t get boring result in ur board papers.

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5. If u don’t have a girlfriend, she can’t dump u.

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.

8. You won’t have to tolerate someone else defining, “right” and “wrong” for u.

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can’t do anything according ur wishes anymore.

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.

11. You won’t have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.

13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u’ll sin less.

15. You can have good night’s sleep-no need to dream about her.

16. You wont have to fight over having a ’special’ friend with ur folks.

17. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.

18. No tension.

19. You can be “yourself”

20. You wont have to hide your telephone bills….

Unhi ko to dost kehte hain

2008-05-15T18:39:00.000+05:30

Jo mushklil aasan banate hain
Jo dushman ko girate hain
Jo haste aur hasate hain
Unko bhala kya kehte hain?
Unhi ko to dost kehte hain.

Jo jeet ki khushi manate hain
Jo haar me saath nibhate hain
Jo phir bhi kahan jatate hain
Unko bhala kya kehte hain?
Unhi ko to dost kehte hain.

Jo hote hain khazane hamare liye
Jo hote hain sahare hamare liye
Jo pyar dete hain pyar lene ke liye
Unko bhala kya kehte hain?
Unhi ko to dost kehte hain.

Jinki kimat pata chalti hai bichadne ke baad
nahi kharida ja sakta un YAAR ko paiso se YAARON.
Ye hain hamare liye khuda ka pyar
Inhi ko to YAAR kehte hain YAARON!!!
Inhi ko to DOST kehte hain DOSTON!!!

Some Sardarji Jokes

2008-05-10T16:13:00.000+05:30

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

***********************************************

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?

***********************************************

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!

***********************************************

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

***********************************************

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...

***********************************************

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....

***********************************************

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"

***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

***********************************************

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

***********************************************

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......

***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

***********************************************

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....

***********************************************

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

***********************************************

Boss: Where were you born?
sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

***********************************************

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

***********************************************

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.

***********************************************

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

***********************************************

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

***********************************************

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

***********************************************

On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

***********************************************

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any
one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

***********************************************

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

***********************************************

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.

***********************************************

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

***********************************************

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

***********************************************

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand,
oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is

he crying?

***********************************************

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

***********************************************

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India Radio!

***********************************************

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

***********************************************

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was chil d

***********************************************

Employee Reaction in Child Face

2008-05-07T14:34:00.005+05:30

Call Letter From Company

Cleared Aptitude Test

Cleared Interview Too

Training Days

Time to Depart

Allocated To Projects

Work - Work - Work

More Work

End of Day Peaceful Sleep

Windows 2000 In Hindi

2008-05-07T12:45:00.001+05:30

Bill Gates was announced
that Microsoft plans to release a Windows 2000 version in Hindi and it will be called Khidkiyan 2000. Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in Khidkiyan 2000.
1. Phaail = File.
2. Bachao = Save.
3. Aise Bachao = Save As.
4. Subko Bachao = Save All.
5. Mujhe Bachao = Help.
6. Chuno = Select.
7. Sab Chuno = Select All.
8. Dhoondo = Find.
9. Phirse Dhoondo = Find Again.
10. Hilao = Move.
11. Daak = Mail.
12. Daakiya = Mailer.
13. Paas se dhekho = Zoom.
14. Kholo = Open.
15. Band Karo = Close.
16. Naya = New.
17. Badli karo = Replace.
18. Bhaago = Run.
19. Chhaapo = Print.
20. Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview.
21. Nakal = Copy.
22. Kaato = Cut.
23. Chipkao = Paste.
24. Ispesal Chipkao = Paste Special.
25. Goli Maaro = Delete.
26. Nazaara = View.
27. Auzaar = Tools.
28. Auzaar ka dabba = Toolbar.
29. Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet.
30. Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database.
31. Ghusao = Insert.
32. Ped = Tree.
33. Thooso = Compress.
34. Chooha = Mouse.
35. Tik-Tik Karo = Click.
36. Idhar-se-Udhar. Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar.
37. Chal Phoot = Exit

Men VS Women

2008-05-06T17:59:00.000+05:30

Men vs. Women

What is the difference between men and women?

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

*******

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

*******

3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

*******

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

*******

5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.

*******

6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

*******

7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

*******

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

*******

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

*******

10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

Hindi Mein Kuch Shayari

2008-05-06T17:38:00.001+05:30

Chaahat ke dariya mein koi kismat vaala hi dhoobta hai
Paar vo hi hota hai jo har mushkil ka saamna kare
Ae pyar karne vaalo peechey na hatna kabhi
Chaahe laakh sitam zamaan kare....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zindagi humsafar ke bina adhoori hai
Chandini ke bina raat adhoori hai
Pyaar bina zindagi kya poori hai
Jeene ke liye ishq bhi zaroori hai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KISI KO MOHABBAT KI SACHAI MAR DALEGI,
KISIKO MOHABBAT KI GAHRAI MAR DALEGI,
KAR KE MOHABBAT KOI NAHI BACHEGA,
JO BACH GAYA USE TANHAI MAR DALEGI.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tere akelepan mein sath tera hum nibhayenge.......
Teri tanhaiyon mein tere paas hum ayenge........
Tu ek bar hume aazma kar to dekh...........
khud ro kar bhi tujhe hasa kar jayenge..........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hum mitti ka aashiyana banate gaye,

bana bana kar unhe mitate gaye,
hume koi na apna bana saka,

hum har kisi ko apna banate gaye

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bagair jane pehchane ikrar na kijiye,
muskura kar dilo ko bekar na kijiye,
phool bhi de jate hai zakham gahere kabhi kabhi,

har phul par yu aaitbar na kijiye

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teri awaz tere roop ki pehchan hai,
tere dil ki dhadkan mere dil ki jaan hai.
Na sunu jis roz teri batein,
lagta hai us roz ye jism hi bejaan hai.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fareb tha hasi may aashiqui samajh baithe
maut ko hee apni zindagi samajh baithe
waqt ka mazak tha ya badnaseebi hamari
unke do baaton ko chahat samajh bairte

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teri dosti ki inteha dekhna chahti huN
ek tera dil jeetna ke liye is zindagi se haarna chahti huN
doobi hun apne aansuo ke samandar me
fir bhi shayad wo tera pyaar hi hai
jisse apni pyaas bujhana chahti huN..!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aap ki vo zaalim adaa
mujh ko bimaar kargayi
ek baar aapne muskuraa kya diya
teer ko dil ke paar kargayi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

kitna bebas he insan kismat k age,
kitne benur he sapnae hakikat k age,
koi ruki hui dhadkan se puche,
kitna tadpata he dil mahobbat k age...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dilon ka hona pehle bekaraar
Ankhon me ek doosre ka intezaar
Chain kise jab takk na ho ikraar
Kaho Ishq mohobbat ya ise pyaar

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

har nigah ko ek nazar ka haq hai,
har rooh ko ek aah ka haq hai,
hum bhi dil lekar aaye hai,
hume bhi pyaar karne ka haq hai,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bina khawaboon ke bhi koi so paya hai.
bina yaadon ke bhi koi kho paya hai.
dosti apki dhadkan hai is dil mein .
dil bhi kabhi dhadkan se juda ho paya hai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Es Dil ka kaha mano ek ehsan kardo
ek benaam si muhabat mere naam kardo
mere zaat pe fakat itna ehsaan kardo
ek subah ko milo or sham kardo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sadiyoon se hoton pe pyas thi
aaj samunder dekha to pee gay
paida hote hee marne ki tamana thei

par tujhe dekha to jee gay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zindagi sirf muhabbbat nahi, Kuch aur bhi hai.
Zulf-O-Rukhsaar ki jannat nahi, kuch aur bhi hai.
Bhook aur pyaas ki maari hui is duniya mein,
Ishq hi ek haqeeqat nahi, kuch aur bhi hai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

chahu jise chahat se jyada
sapane dekhu t jiske nind se jyada
mangu jise mannat se jyada
khuda kare tum bhi pyar kar mujhe aapni saso se jayada.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fiza par toh assar hawao ka hota hai
Mohabbat par toh assar adaao ka hota hai
Koi aise hi kisika deewana nahin hota
Kuch kasoor yaaron ka bhi hota hai....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

pholon ki tara gozro mere dil ki gali se ..
khushboo ki tara muj pe bikhar jao kisi din
mien apni har ek sans usi raat ko dedon
sar rakh ke mere seene pe so jao kisi din

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Phool ki tarah tere dil se guzar jaayenge
Khushboo ki tarah tum mein bhikar jaayenge ek din
Hum apni saari zindagi ik raat mein guzaar denge

Tum khwabo mein toh aao ek din....

Gujarati Shayari

2008-05-05T15:28:00.001+05:30

Kyank dhodhmar varsad varsi jay che,
To kyank bund pani ni pyas rahi jay che.
Koy ne male che hajar chehra prem na,
Koine ek chehrani pyaas rahi jay che.

------------------------------

Kyak Dhodhmaar Varsaad Ma Pan...
Aankho Na Aanshu Dekhay Chhe..
Male Chhe Samndar Jeevan Ma..
Chhata Pyaas Rahi Jaay Chhe..
Pyaas Chehrani Hase To Ghana Chhe...
Prem Ni Vaat Hu Na Kahi shaku...
Manzil Pachhi Badha Bhule Chhe..
Ke Saath Aapnar Rasta Paachar Rahi Jaay chhe...

------------------------------

Niras Jeev Na Man Ne Manavavaanu Chhodi De..
Uthaav Aa Kaafalo Ne Padaav Chhodi De...
Hamesa Rachya-Pachya Rahya Sou Laaganio Na Sambandh Ma..
Koi Kaho Hriday Ne ..Ke Aa Swabhaav Chhodi De...

------------------------------

milavi jaam ma ame jindgi pee gaya!!
madira to su tamari kami pan pee gaya.........
radayi jay che bijana dardo
amara dukho to ame hasine pee gaya

------------------------------

Koi dil par yado no bhar muki gayu
jane el phool zaakal thi juki gayu
koi samji na shakiyu dil no vedna
tame yaad aaviya ne dil dhadakvi chuki gayu

------------------------------

Mohataaz Na Kasa No Hato Koun Manase..
Maaro Pan Ek Zamano Hato Koun Manase..
Haso Chho Aaj Tame..Me Je Abhinay Karyo Hato..
Aaghat E Dudasa No Hato..Koun Manase...

------------------------------

Jeevan Na Savaal Hu Rakhish Jawaab Tamane Arpan...
Khali Jaam Na Pyala Hu Rakhish Sharab Tamane Arpan...
Mitrata Kari Chhe Tamari Saathe Koi Ramat Nathi Kari...
Kaanto Ni Vedana Hu Rakhish..Gulab Tamane Arpan...

------------------------------

Sapana Ma Aavi Satavaso Kya Shudhi...
Aankh Na Isare Bolavaso Kya Sudhi...
Mukh To Kholo..Kaik To Bolo Tame...
Aam Moun Rahine Koine Chah So Kya Sudhi...

------------------------------

Dharati Yaad Karaso To Hu Yaad Aavis...
Gagan Yaad Karaso Ne hu Yaad Aavis..
Mane Bhulavani Kasam Laine Betha Chho...
Pan Kasma Yaad Karaso Ne Hu Yaad Aavish...

------------------------------

Tamari Yaad Na Padagha Rahi Gaya...
Zaakar udi Gai Ne Daag Rahi Gaya...
Tame Malya Ne Hruday Ni Vaat Pan Na thai...
Jaane Nadi Kitare Tarsya Rahi Gaya....

------------------------------

Dolat ni duniya ma mane koi RAS nathi,
prem ni duniya ma baki have koi AAS nathi,
atlej kahu chu mitro, duniya ma baki have koi PYAAS nathi.

------------------------------

Koun Bhala Ne Puchhe Chhe..Koun Bura Ne Puchhe chhe...
Matalab Thi Chhe Badhane Sambandh..Koun Khara Ne puchhe Chhe...
Phoolo Mathi Attar Kaadhi Ne Koun Phoolo Ni Dasa Ne Puchhe Che...
Sanjog Zukaave Chhe Badhaane ..Nahi Tar Koun Bhagavaan Ne Pooje Chhe...

------------------------------

Ghani Evi Sundhar Chiz Aaduniya Ni Andar Chhe...
Ke Eni Sundartama Eni Nisthurata Hoy Chhe...
Fakt Dil Ni Khushboo Ne Joi Ne Dil Ne Phool Na Samajo....
Ahiya To Rupaara Kaik Aaras Na Patthar Pan Hoy Chhe..

------------------------------

Taari Aankho Ma Maaru Mukhadu Rame..
Maari Aankho Me Taaru Allahd Panu Rame...
Tane Em Ke Taara Prem Ma Thaki Na Hu HAari Jaish....
Pan Naare Gaandi...Haaryo Juhaari To Bamanu Rame...

------------------------------

Taari Aankho Ma Maaru Mukhadu Rame..
Maari Aankho Me Taaru Allahd Panu Rame...
Tane Em Ke Taara Prem Ma Thaki Na Hu HAari Jaish....
Pan Naare Gaandi...Haaryo Juhaari To Bamanu Rame...

------------------------------

Koi Smite Smite Sarage Chhe..Ane Koi Radi Ne Dil Bahelaave Chhe...
Koi Tipe Tipe Tarase Chhe..to Koi Jaam Nava Chhlakaave Chhe....
Vaan Nahi Tamaaro Ke Nathi Amaaro...Nashib Rang Bataave Chhe...
Smay Naa Paalave Badhu Bandhelu Chhe..Tame Dosh Na Aapo Dariyane...
Ek Tarato Maanas Dube Chhe..ane ek Laash Tarine Bahaar Aave Chhe...

------------------------------

Aaje Tame Taj-Mahal Joyo Chhe...
Me Eni Kabar Shivay shu Joyu Chhe....
Jag Kahe Che Badhu Chhe Maari Paase...
Koi Nathi Janatu Me Shu Khoyu Chhe....

------------------------------

Dil Na dardo Ne Peenaro Shu Jaane...
Prem Na Rivaajo Ne Zamaano shu Jaane..
Thaay Che Ketali Takalif Mane Kabar Ma....
Eni Upar Be Phool Muknaaro Shu Jaane....

------------------------------

Thodo Guno Aa Tankhaai No Pan Chhe..
Ane Aa Nirash Tanhai Radavi Gai...
Maari Aankho Ni bhinash Joine Na Samajata Ke Gam Chhe...
Aato emani Yaad Hati..Ke Je Mane Radavi Gai...

------------------------------

Aa Saanj Roz Aatali Khunkhar Kya Hati..
Taaru Smaran Hatu..Aa Talvaar Kya Hati...
Loko Hata Vas Ej..Ane Ej Haath Pan Chhe...
Pan Aa Pattharo NE Pahela Aavi Dhaar Kya Hati....

------------------------------

Valan Ek Sharakhu Raakhu Chhu Aasha Ane Nirasha Ma....
Barabar Bhaag Lau Chhu Jindagi Na Badha Tamasha Ma...
Sada Jeetu Chhu Evu Kai Nathi..Haaru Pan chhu...
Pan hu Haar Ne Kadi Pan Palatava Nathi deto Nirasha Ma...

------------------------------

Je Vastu Mali Jaay Te Milkat Kahevaay.....
Je Durlabh Bani Jaay Te Hasarat Kahevaay...
Banne Ne Samavine Aave Je Dil Ma....
Ene Orakho..to MOHABBAT Kahevaay....

------------------------------

Bhale Taara Geet Ma MAaru Sangeet Nathi...
Bhale Taara Lay Ma Maaro Taal Nathi...
Bhale Taari Aankho Ma Maaro Aakaar Nathi...
Pan Maara Prem No Taari Paae Inkaar Nathi...

------------------------------

KE bhinash Aanshuoni Kevi Hoy..Aaje Mane Khabar Padi...
Hraday MAaru Dubhaavyu..Pan Tane Na Khabar Padi...
Ke Jag Maara Par Hasyu..Ne Tamara Hotho Par Smit Hatu...
Dariyama Tofaan Aavyu..Tyare Mane Maara Radavani Khabar Padi...

------------------------------

Taara Paalav Na Chhede Maari Preet Bandhi Chhe...
Aaj Kaal Ni Nahi...Pan Janmo Janam Ni Preet Bandhi Chhe...
Jeevan Chhe Taari Saathe..Ane Mrutyu Pan Taara Khora Ma Hoy...
Nathi Rahi Orkhaan Khudani..Jyaar Thi Taari Sathe Preet Bandhi chhe...

------------------------------

Phool Ni Jem Khilavu..Enu Naam Zindagi..
Khili Ne Mahekavu...Enu Naam Zindagi...
Jeeti Ne Har Koi Khushi Manaave Chhe...
Dil Haarine Khush Thavu..Enu NAam Zindagi...

------------------------------

khobo bharine wahaal moklu chu,
dosti na thoda sawal moklu chu,
gan badha rehva didha che mari pase,
tamne darek pal khushhaali moklu chu.

------------------------------

Mohabbt Na Savaalo Na uttar Nathi Hota...
Ane Je Joy Chhe..Te Etala Saddhar Nathi Hota...
Male Chhe Koi Ek J Prem Ne Sachi Lagan Dil Ni..
Badha Zer Pinara..Te Kai Shankar Nathi Hota...

------------------------------

Niras Jeev Na Man Ne Manaavaanu Chhodi De..
Uthaav Aa Kaafalo...Ne Aa Padaav Chhodi De..
Hamesah Rahya Shou Laaganio Na Sambandh Ma...
Koi Kaho Hraday Ne..Ke Aa Swabhaav Chhodi De....

------------------------------

Aanshu Ek hoy to Khushi Kahevay Chhe....
Aanshu Anek Hoy..To Hraday dukhi Kahevaay Chhe..
Gam Ane Khushi..Jivan sikka Na Be Pahelu....
Mane Nathi Khabar..Kem Aama Tafaavat Kahevaay Chhe....

------------------------------

Armano ne roke evi minar hoy to saru,
Dil ni ichchao ne roke evi diwar hoy to saru,
Mare mrityu pacchi pan emne che jova,
Mari kabarma tirad hoy to saru,

------------------------------

Nayan Ma Vasaa Chho...Jara Yaad KArajo...
Kadi Kaam Pade To Mane Saad Karajo..
Mane To Padi Chhe Aadat..Tamane Yaad Karavani..
Jo Tamane Hichaki Aave..to Mane Maaf KArajo....

------------------------------

Taari Saathe Vaat KAravani Aadat Padi Gai Chhe...
Laage chhe Evu..Ke Vagar Raate Savaar Padi Gai Chhe..
Ung to Nathi Aavati Raato Ma Pan....
Aankho Ma Tamari Chhabi Vasi Gai Chhe...

------------------------------

vichitra prem na vistar no prabandh hato,
ke raat tunki ne ghano lambo nibandh hato,
rahya sameep chhata sparsh na pamyu koi,
vichitra nabh ne vaadal tano sambandh hato.

------------------------------

dil ni vaat hont sudhi aavine atke che,
ansu bani ankh mathi koi tapke che,
khushnasib che e jene chahat mali,
mohobat ni talash ma haju ketla bhatke che.

------------------------------

Wo college ke din................

2008-05-05T14:57:00.000+05:30

Hey friend, go through the incidents and the respective dialogues, and the coll day memories will b backâ€¦..!!!!

1. On being Late

"Kab shuru hua?"

"Attendance ho gayi kya??"

"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"

"Mein kya karu, wo bathroom mein ghusa hua tha"

"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu……… bolna …….. kal kya padaya tha sir ne"

"Kal se pakka class karunga"

"Ek page de na………. abe pen bhi to de……."

"Yaar iss class ke liye koi subah kaise aa sakta hai…….."

2. During the lecture

"Yesss !!!! Sir…….The answer is …….huuuummmmm…….aaaaaaaa…………"

"No sir…..I know the answer …….sir…."

"Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai"

"Abe lecture ko chod….. dekh wo kya lag rahi hai aaj…….."

"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha…….gadha……."

"Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha movie dekhne chalte hain "

"Heads, we go Movie , Tails, we go Movie now!!!"

"class khatam hote hi Soft drink chahiye……"

3. Lab

"Expt. 2 Kiya kya??"

"Isme Karna kya hai??"

"Yeh bhai…..mereko aata to tere pass kyon aata…….."

"Are tu to bura maan gaya……. dikha na………"

4. Tests

"Tests???? …..Aree yaar…… "

"Kya…… abe Test mein itna topic hai to annual mein kya hoga…."

"Boss….. hogaya……aur nahi ho sakta……..jaan nahi de sakta……."

"Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?"

"Aaj kounsa test hai?"

"Oye Mera dost kaha hai……uska roll number mere baad hai…….wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail…."

After test……

"yaar pada tha….recall nahi kar paya…….chhod na ……. Canteen chalega…"

5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)

"I was in the class, lecturer mark karna bhool gaya "

"Oye usko thoda khus kar list se tera naam hata dega…….."

"Bola tha proxy regularly maar……. Saale teri class karne ka kya faida hua….."

6. Late submission of Projects

"Maine usko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assignment bhi saath mein submit kar dena"

"Last date extend hui thi"

"I didn't know the last date"

"Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya……."

"They should allow XEROX…….."

7 . After exam

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?"

"Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?"

"Ye Kaunsi book me tha"

"1st mein 3 marks…..2nd mein 0…….3rd mein 2…….Gaya……….fail pakka……."

"Yaar notice lagte hi faad dena……..wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh kar……"

8 VIVA (b4 exam)

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"

"Aeee……Rohit…..terese kya poocha……."

"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya……."

"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak preparation nahi hui hai"

9 . VIVA (General)

"Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala, then watz the point"

"Roll no. 1 aur 2 ki watt laga di hai"

"External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai"

"Ye kounse unit mein aata hai"

10 . Submission

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"

"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"

"Jai ho computer baba ki……jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki……."

"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"

"Ye tune kya likha hai????"

(The best one)

"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uski drawing nikal"

"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"

" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar."

"Koi hint…….."

"Are baba ghasit de……..na tu samjega na wo…….."

12. Exam

"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai who aata hai"

"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai"

"ye last time hi poochha thaa"

"tere paas is ke notes hai??"

"woh chapter… mark weightage 6 marks… (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)"

"nahi samjha to rat le"

"External ke aane ke pura scene hai……. "

"Iss paper mein roll number ka kya order hai…….."

"Pichle paper mein to kuch to aata tha…….issmein to anda aata hai……"

"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya…….."

…….. bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai ………
…….. Aaj har wo baat yaad aati hai…….
…….. kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain ……..
…….. kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain ……..
…….. abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai ……..
…….. Dopahar ki class mein aakhen band karne ka man karta hai……
…….. hostel ke chat ki wo raat yaad aati hai ……..
…….. exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak bahut pyari lagti hai ……..
…….. tab ki bekar lagne wali photo's chehre pe hasi laati hai …….
…….. Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai. ……..
…….. Par tumhari galti dekhne ka man karta hai……..
…….. Aaj tum bahut yaad aate ho…….
……..fir waise hi subah uthne ka man karta hai……..
……..bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai……..
……..bas ek bar aur …….
……..wapas lautne ka man karta hai

Friendship Shayari

2008-05-05T10:30:00.003+05:30

Hum kabhi apnon se juda ho nahi sakte,
Dosti ke rishtey bewafa ho nahi sakte,
Aap bhale hi hamein bhula ke so jao,
Hum apko yaad kiye bina so nahi sakte.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dua karte hain hum sar jhukaye,
Ae dost, tu apni manzil ko paye,
Agar kabhi teri raahon mein andhera aaye,
Roshni ke liye khuda humko jalaye.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Doston se karo pyar itna ki,
Aur pyar karne ki gunjaish na rahe,
Vo muskurade hamein dekhkar ek baar,
Phir zindagi se koi khwaish na rahe.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dosti mujhe aisi nibhana ki,
Dekhne vale bhi dang rah jayen,
Khuda bhi aake tumse poochhe ki,
"Kya hum bhi tumhare dost ban jayen?".

---------------------------------------------------------------

Aap khushnaseeb hain jo hum aapki
dosti ko itni shiddat se chahte hain,
Varna hum to vo shaksh hain jo
Khwab mein bhi appointment se aate hain.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Bedard kuch dost ho gaye hain hamare,
jo hamara intezaar bhi nahi karte,
Pahle to humse bahut baaten kiya karte the,
Aajkal to hamein yaad bhi nahi karte.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Mehfil mein kuch to sunana padta hai,
Gam chhupakar muskurana padta hai,
Kabhi hum bhi dost the apke,
Aajkal to yaad dilana padta hai.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Bhool jane ka hosla ab na hoga,
Door rahkar bhi tu juda na hoga,
Tujhse milkar kisi sur se kya milen ae dost,
Koi tere jaisa doosra na hoga.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Lafz aap do, geet hum banayenge,
Rasta aap do, manzil hum payenge,
Khushi aap do, hansi hum banayenge,
Sachche dost aap bano, Dosti hum nibhayenge.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dosti to sirf ek itefaaq hai,
Dosti nahi dekhti ki ye din hai ki raat hai,
Ismein to sirf rasgulle ki mithas
Aur pani puri ki pyaas hai.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Bole vo dosti, Chup rahe vo pyaar,
Milaye vo dosti, Juda kare vo pyar,
Hansaye vo dosti, Rulaye vo pyar,
Phir bhi log dosti chhodkar kyun karte hain pyar?

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dil tootna saza hai mohabbat ki,
Dil jodna ada hai dosti ki,
Maange jo kurbani, vo hai mohabbat
Aur jo bin mange ho jaye kurbaan, vo hai dosti...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Kuch log khaas hote hain, har pal dil ke paas hote hain,
Kushiyon mein shamil hote hain aur gam mein bhi sath hote hain,
Log unhein dost, aur hum unhein AAP kahte hain.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Kuch rishte anjane mein ho jate hain,
Pahle dil phir zindagi se jud jate hain,
Kahte hain us daur ko dosti,
Jismein dil se dil na jane kab mil jate hain.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Chaand ka kya kahna, vo to laakhon mein ek hai,
Aapka kya kahna, aap to karodon mein ek hai,
Apni dosti ka kya kahna,
Vo to khuda se bhi nek hai.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Tum banke dost aise aaye zindagi mein
ki hum ye zamana hi bhool gaye,
Tumhein yaad na aayi kabhi hamari,
Aur hum to tumhein bhulna hi bhool gaye.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Ek hai aasman ka tara, dusra hai samunder ka kinara,
Bewafa to hai zamana sara,
Naseeb hai accha hamara,
Jo mila dost aap jaisa pyara... pyara...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dosti se aaj pyar sharmaya hai,
Teri chahta ne kuch aisa gazab jadu chhaya hai,
Khuda se kya tujhe maangen,
Vo to khud aaj muzse tere jaisa dost maangne aaya hai.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Ab Aur Manzil Pane Ki Hasrat Nahi,
Kisi Ki Yaad Me Mar Jane Ki Fitrat Nahi...
Aap Jaise Dost Jabse Mile,
Kisi Aur Ko Dost Banane Ki Jarurat Nahi.....

---------------------------------------------------------------

Hansna hamara gawara nahi hota,
Har musafir zindagi ka sahara nahi hota,
Milte hain bahut log is tanha zindagi mein,
Par har dost tum jaisa pyara nahi hota.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Ai Khuda, apne chand pe itna guroor na kar,
ek chand sa dost hum bhi rakhte hai,
Jab taarif tere chand ki hoti hai,
log misaal mere dost ki dete hai.

Gujarati Shayari

2008-05-05T10:27:00.001+05:30

Dil naa dardo ne pinaro shu jane,
prem naa rivajo ne jamano shu jane;
Chhe ketli taklif kabar maa,
Te uparthi phool muknaro shu jane!

**********************************

Zindagi ne jiv-vani Filsufi samji lidhi,
Je khushi aavi jivan ma, aakhri samji lidhi!

**********************************

Loko kahe-chhe ke - Hasya tena ghar vasya
Parantu e kon jane chhe ke - Ghar vasya pachhi ketla hasya?

**********************************

aaje emni saathe pratham che mulaqaat,
dil ma uthe che najane kevo aa janzavaat...
emni satthe karvi che dil ni sidhi vaat,
najane kyare thashe fari aa prem ni mulaqaat

**********************************

nayan na maarg thi dil ma samai gaya,
ane hu to awachak thai ne joti rahi...
dil ne haji hu sambhalu tyato,...
maru dil tamej chori gaya...

**********************************

"Tamari chahat ne bhulavi nathi sakta,
Aa lagani o ne chupavi nathi sakta,
Evo padchayo che ke jene chodavi nathi sakta,
Ke je che prem eene mitavi nathi sakta. "

**********************************

"Amari aankho ne yaad rakhjo,
Amne nahi,
Amari yaado ne yaad rakjo,
Mulakato ne nahi. "

**********************************

"Tari aankh nu aansu banava mangu chu,
jethi janma tari aankho ma,
jivan tamara gaal par ane
mrutyu tara hoth par aave "

**********************************

I am not your friend if..........

2008-05-03T16:35:00.001+05:30

I am not your friend if .....
You have to think before you speak to me...

I am not your friend if .....
My presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable...

I am not your friend if .....
You have to thank me for everything I do for you...

I am not your friend if .....
You have to say sorry for everything that you don't do...

I am not your friend if .....
You have to ask me for favor...

I am not your friend if .....
You go by what I say and do not understand what I don't say...

I am not your friend if .....
You think that listening to your dreams would put me to sleep...

I am not your friend if .....
You think that seeing you in pain, wouldn't bring tear to me...

I am not your friend if .....
You think I don't remember the first time we met....

I am not your friend if .....
You don't see the thousands ways I try to make you happy...

I am not your friend if .....
You think that I would not be curious to know your new philosophy of life...

I am not your friend if .....
You would rather keep quiet when you really wanna speak...

I am not your friend if .....
You hesitate to ask me to stay back when you think that we should be together...

I am not your friend if .....
You take too much time to tell me what I mean to you...

I am not your friend if .....
You don't realize how your smile brightens up my day...

Am I your friend ????

Gujarati Shayari

2008-05-03T15:58:00.002+05:30

1)Vaheli parodh na svapna ma tamne joya chhe,
tarla thi khili utheli raat ma tamne joya chhe,
Amari manjil hoy ke musafari, O Priye,
har sath ma me tamne joya chhe.

2)Sambandh Apna sachvay evu karjo...
Vafa na Fulo na karmay evu karjo...
Bahu thodi MULAQATO ma badhi che yaari..
Zindagi bhar na bhulay evu karjo...

3)Darek swash ma tari yaad muku chu..
Mara thi vadhu tara ma vishwas muku chu..
Shachavi ne rakh jo aa amanat jatan thi..
Aa swash hu tamara vishwase muku chu..

4)koi vaar koi ni preet pan taklif aape che
aankho ne game te rit pan taklif aape che
hamesh haar thi nathi haari jato manas
koi varr jagat ma jeet pan taklif aape che

5)Irshya thati hati mane, Mara janam samaye.
Radto hato hoo ane Hasti hati aa duniya,
Badlo laish hoo darek khsan no mara mruty samaye,
Hasto jaish hoo ane Radti hashe aa duniya..

6)Tamari nafrat ma pan hu Prem bani ne aavis,
jivu chhu faqt taraj sahare etle marya pacchi pan hu taru naseebbanine aavis,
aa dil ma faqt taruj nam chhe etle tara sharir ma taro swas banine aavis,
bhulvani mane na karso bhul kem ke taraj raday ma hu rudan bani neaavis....

7)nadi ni ret ma ramtu nagar male na male,
Fari aa jivan Dahrti par male na male,
karu chu hu tamne yaad aje dil thi,
kale aa dil dhabaktu male na male...

8)Jivan ma ek pal evi pan hati,
E same hati ne sathe pan hati,
Abhar etlo j mari durdasha no ke,
E Rekha Hathma hati,
pan hath thi dur hati.

9)Tamari yaad ek adat bani gayi chhe.
Mahobbat ni unchi imarat bani gayi chhe.
Tamara shabde shabdo mali ne gazal bani gayi chhe.
Etle j to amari adhuri jindgi tamrai chahat bani gayi chhe.

10)Prem ma mithi vedna mali e bahu,
chhe swapno ne navi disha mali e bahu,
chhe prem puro thayo ke adhuro rayho vat e nathi,
prem karvano avsar malyo e bahu chhe...

Colour Consciousness for Valentine's Day

2008-05-03T14:17:00.000+05:30

Colours propel their presence in all locales and objects that we encounter in our day-to-day activities. Colours also specify certain moods and qualities. Take a glimpse at the significance of colours and use them appropriately in your Valentine's Day attire and gifts.

Red (Already Booked)

Red is the colour of energy, liveliness, love and sexual passion. That is why red roses, red attires and gifts wrapped in red play a dominant role on Valentine's Day. Red communicates your passion towards your beloved or towards love itself. Maroon and brick red symbolize fun and love.

Pink/Rose (I am Freeeeeeeeeeee)

Pink is an expression of freshness, love, affection, understanding and sweetness. Pink can be the ideal choice for Valentine's Day and will subtly help bring to surface the love for your partner. It can also add more love into your lives.

Orange (Waiting)

Orange is the colour of energy, creativity and practicality. It also denotes happiness and can pep up your moods when your spirits are low.

Yellow (Ready for a friendship)

Yellow signifies inspiration, spontaneity, communication and novelty. This colour's liveliness and vitality encourage conversation. So communicate your feelings for your loved one near a soft yellow flamed candle. A Yellow dress for a woman will do well on Valentine's Day.

Blue (Going 2 Propose)

Light blue symbolizes creativity, perceptivity and sensitivity. It also ushers a peaceful and a calm scenario and so is effective to smoothen or balance your emotions. Freshness is one of its properties and is suggested if you prefer a more steady and paced approach to your feelings. Dark blue signifies intelligence, self-reliance and deep feelings. A combination of blue and green can promote self-expression. Dark blue can be an ideal colour for a man for Valentine's Day outfit.

Green (Accepted Proposal)

Green suggests humanism, benevolence, observance and caution. Though a bit cautious in every approach in life and relationships, it induces understanding which is one of the most important requirements in one's relationship. Dark green shirt for a man and lighter shades of green for women's outfit will make good Valentine's Day attires

Purple(Not interested)

Purple denotes intuition. Intuitions play a major role in romance. This in turn can induce passion. Grapes are always oriented with love and wine is always a chosen gift for the loved one during Valentine's Day. Purple is purely feminine and a light purple or a mauve outfit for a woman will generate cuteness on Valentine's Day.

White (Leave me alone)

White is a colour of purity, optimism and innocence. It consists of all the colours in the spectrum. White roses given to your beloved can mean ' You are celestial' or 'our love is pure'. They can be employed denoting the impeccable love that has stood the test of time and trials. Both men and women can choose a white outfit for the Valentine's Day.

Grey (Broke up)

Grey denotes good judgment capabilities and also non-involvement. So it may not be the right colour to be chosen for Valentine's Day dress or a setting. Though a beautiful shade on its own, it does not bring in the freshness desired for Valentine's Day when worn by a woman. However a grey outfit for man can look fine.

Black / Brown (Proposal rejected)

Black and Brown can both be incorporated in a man's Valentine's Day attire individually. Black denotes independence, authority and boldness while brown stands for honesty and a down to earth attitude towards life. Women can opt for more feminine and pastel shades for Valentine's Day.
So choose your outfits and gifts with the appropriate colours on this Valentine's Day!!!!

Some Jokes

2008-05-03T13:58:00.000+05:30

Marriages are made in heaven
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
---------------------------------------

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
---------------------------------------
I wrote your name on the sand ............ .
it got washed away,
I wrote your name in air......... ......... ........
it got blown away,
So i wrote your name in my heart....... ......
I got a HEART ATTACK
---------------------------------------
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But don't worry - we are chain smokers
---------------------------------------
your smile can be compared to a flower
your voice can be compared to a cuckoo
your innocence to a child
but in stupidity
you have no comparison
you r the best
---------------------------------------

True love is like a pillow
you can hug when you r in trouble
you can cry on when you are in pain & you can embrace when you r happy
so when you need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
---------------------------------------

Dear Friend,

when I ask you a flower,
you give me bouquet
when I ask you a stone
you give me a statue
when I ask you a feather
you give me peacock

ARE YOU REALLY DEAF ?
---------------------------------------
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
---------------------------------------

when I call you;
1 ring means I'm thinking of you;
2 ring means I like you;
3 means I miss you;
4 means .........pick the phone idiot
---------------------------------------

Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !
---------------------------------------
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love
---------------------------------------
SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in your personality
SO....
Brush your Teeth today onwards
---------------------------------------
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
---------------------------------------

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
---------------------------------------
Teacher : YOU failure ! @ your age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind you, Sir, but @ your age hitler commited suicide.
---------------------------------------

Some Shayari Collection

2008-05-03T12:53:00.000+05:30

Raaz dil ka dil mein chupate hai woh,
Samne aate hi nazar jhukate hai woh,
Baat karte nahi, ya hoti nahi,
Par shukar hai jab bhi milte hai muskurate hai woh.

=================================

Zindagi de 4 din hass khed k katt lo,
Pyar naal duniya ch khatna jo khat lo,
Lutt lo nazara jag wale mele da,
Pata nahio hunda yaaro aun wale wele da... Enjoy!

=================================

Moor ker na dekh mujhe, yoon hanstay hanstay,
Mere dost hain baray hoshiyaar, keh dengay bhabhi Namaste.

=================================

Dil ke dard ko dil todne waala kya jaane,
pyaar ke rivajo ko ye jmaana kya jaane,
hoti hai kitni takleef kabar mein,
upper se phool chadane waala kya jaane

=================================

Dil do to kisi ek ko,
Aur do to kisi nek ko...
Jo samjhe pyaar ke matlab ko..
Jab tak saccha dildar na mile, try karte raho har ek ko.

=================================

Har khushi teri taraf mod doon,
Tere liye chand taare tak tod doon,
khushiyo ke darwaje tere liye khol doon,
Itna kaafi hai ya do chaar jhoot aur bol du

=================================

Judai apki rulati rahegi,
yaad apki aati rahegi,
pal pal jaan jati rahegi,
jab tak jism mein hai jaan har saans ye rishta nibhati rahegi.

=================================

Har daag, daag nahi hota, har yaar wafadar nahi hota,
Yeh to dil milne ki baat hai, varna saat pheron mein bhi pyar nahi hota.

=================================

Tere naal dosti akhri sah tak nibawange,
Tere pairan thalle assi ta talliyaan tikaawange,
Jado marzi parakh lai mere dosta,
Teri mashuk asi phasavange.

=================================

AMLI kehnda hai: Kafan na pao mere Chehre te, mainu aadat hai muskraun di.
Ajj di raat na dafnaao mainu yaro, aaj umeed hai Bhukki wale truck de aaun di.

=================================

Yaad teri wich saanu chain koi na, Saade utte tenu reham koi na, Horan nu tu din raat SMS kare, saade leyi tere kol time koi naa.

=================================

Yaran de sache pyar nu yaad rakhi,
mapian de satkar nu yaad rakhin,
Punjabi sabiachar nu yaad rakhin,
dil de kisi kone which iss nimane yaar nu yaad rakhin.

=================================

Meri ankho ko sapne fir dikha gaya koi, buzhti sason me mahak fir jaga gaya koi, kya ye sachmuch pyar hai, ya Chutiya fir se bana gaya koi.

=================================

Bade ajeeb hain ye zindagi ke raaste, anjane mod par kuchh log dost ban jate hain, milne ki khushi de ya na de bichhadne ka gam zarur de jate hain.

=================================

Aapake miss call bhi kya baat hain,
Aapke sms bhi din raat hain,
Kabhi kabhi phone bhi kiya karo,
Suna hain aapake awaaz me bhi khas baat hain.

=================================

Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de,
Tadap raha hu kabhi to apna pyaar de,
Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna,
Kam se kam ek Missed call he maar de

=================================

Pyar ko mat chhupao, usey zarurat hai jatane ki, Apni pratibhaon ko mat chupao, unhe zarurat hai badhane ki, Ab aur perfume mat lagao, tumhe zarurat hai nahane ki.

=================================

Jise koyal samjhe, woh kauwa nikla, dosti ke naam par hauwa nikla,
Jo roka karte they humein sharab peene se, aaj unki jeb se pauwa nikla.

=================================

Pyaar sab ne rabb nu vakh-vakh ditta,
kise nu lakh te kise nu kakh ditta,
Sahnu tuhade jeha yaar ditta,
lakh ton v sava-lakh ditta.

=================================

Chale gaye ho dur kuch pal ke liye, Dur rehkar bhi karib ho har pal ke liye, Kaise yaad na aaye aapki ek pal ke liye, Jab dil me ho aap har pal ke liye.

=================================

Ek jaam ulfat ke naam, ek jaam mohabat ke naam. Ek jaam wafa k naam, puri botal bewafa ke naam, Aur pura theka doston ke naam

=================================

Mein pucheya rab nu: Tu jag pyaar da vairi kyun bana chadya?
Rab hasseya te boleya: Tu kehra mere naal changi kiti hai. Tu v taan yaar nu rab bana chadeya

=================================

Daag ansuon se dhoye hain,
Jab bhi tanha huye hain roye hain,
Dil mein kyon na uge yaad teri,
Dil mein tere hi khawab boye hain.

=================================

Ab umar ho gayi hai dil ki kitaab mein, kuch khusk paton ke siva kuch nahin raha,
Jajbaat tamaam kho gaye lamhon ki dhool mein, ab dil mein dharkanon ke siva kuch nahi raha

=================================

Log kahtey hain ki ladkiyan zindagi hoti hain maut nahi,
Magar voh kya jane ki dhoka bhi zindagi deti hai maut nahi

=================================

Sitaron se agey jahan aur bhi hein,
Abhi Mohabbat k imthan aur bhi hein,
Tum hi nehi jalatey mere dil ko,
College mein Ladkiyan aur bhi hein

=================================

Sabne kaha Dosti ek Dard hai,
Humne kaha Dard kabool hai,
Subne kaha is Dard ke saath Jee na Paogay,
Humne kaha teri Dosti ki saath Marna kabool hai

=================================

Kasur na unka hai na mera, Hum dono hi rishton ki rasmein nibhate rahe,
Woh dosti ka ehsaas jatate rahe, Hum mohabbat ko dil mein chupate rahe.

=================================

Mombati ke andar ka dhaga bola, Main jalta hoon to tu kyon pighalti hai?
Mombati boli, Jisko dil mein jagah di woh bichade to aansoo to niklenge hi.

=================================

Tumhara hamara rishta to aankhon aur palkon jaisa hai, Agar palak kuch der na jhapke to aankh ro deti hai, Aur agar aankh mein kuch chala jaye to palak tadap uthti hai.

=================================

Na aana usse leke mere janaze mein,
Meri Mohabbat ki tauhin hogi,
Main 4 logon ke kandhe pe hounga,
Aur meri jaan paidal hogi

=================================

Dil kare
Geet Ban Ke Tere Bullan Te Aawan,
Dil Kare
Panchi Ban Ambari Udd Jaava,
Dil Kare
Banna Ek Taara Kade Chamka Kade Tutt Jaava,
Dil kare
Banna Teriyan Akhan De Hanjhoo Te Tere Saare Dukh Pee Jaava!

=================================

Nakaam si koshish kiya karte hain,
Hum hain ki unse pyar kiya karte hain,
Khuda ne takdir me ek tuta tara nahi likha,
Aur hum hain ki chaand ki aarzu kiya karte hain

=================================

Ek ajnabi se mujhe itna pyaar kyon hai,
Inkar karne par chahat ka ikraar kyon hai,
Use pana nahi meri taqdeer mein shayad,
Phir har mod pe usi ka intezar kyon hai.

=================================

Aansuon ko bohut samjhaya ke yun na aya karo, mehfil mein hamara mazaak na udaya karo, is par aansu bole mehfil mein tumhe akela paate hain isliye chale aate hain.

=================================

Chaand to nikla hai magar yeh raat na hai pehli si,
Yeh mulaaqaat, mulaaqaat na hai pehli si,
Ranjh kuchh kum to hua aaj teray milne se,
Yeh alag baat ke yeh baat na hai pehli si.

=================================

Bhool Se Agar Koi Bhool Hui,
To Bhool Samajke Use Bhool Jana,
Arey Bhoolna Sirf Bhool Ko,
Bhoolkar Bhi Hume Na Bhool Jana

=================================

Heer kahe Raanjhe se,
O Sun Mere raanjhnaa!
Heer kahe Raanjhe se,
O Sun Mere Raanjhnaa!
Jhuthe bartanon Ko Tum,
Ragad- Ragad Kar Maanjhnaa!

=================================

Daulat Aur Sohrat sabke Pas Hai,
Khushiya Aur Ghum Sabke Naseeb Mein Hai,
Pyar Aur Nafrat Sabke Dil Mein Hai,
Par Khush-naseeb Hai Hum kyonki Tum Jaisa Dost Hamare Pas hai

=================================

Khuda kisi ko kisi pe fida na kare, Kare to qayamat tak juda na kare,
Yeh mana ki koi marta nahi judai mein, lekin jee bhi to nahi pata tanhai me

=================================

Sooni zindagi main hulchul mehsus hui,
Bejaan dil ki aaj dhadkan mehsus hui,
Jaane kyun aaj aisa laga,
Shayad aapki kami mehsus hui.

=================================

Asi Mobile on rakhya te tere SMS da intzaar kita,
Tere laryaan da etbaar kita,
Asi call karan lagyaan pal v na layaa,
Tusi SMS karan lagyaan nakhra hazaar kita

=================================

Khuda se maine ek dua mangi, dua me apni maut mangi,
Phir khuda ne kaha maut to tujhe me de du par usko kya kahu jisne teri lambi umar mangi.

=================================

Tumhara noor hi hai jo pad rha chehre par warna kaun dekhta muje andhere mein

=================================

Khidki se dekha to raastey pe koi nahin tha,
Khidki se dekha to raastey pe koi nahin tha,
Raaste pe jaake dekha to khidki pe koi nahi tha

=================================

Kalam pharke ohde te kuch likhan lagga, das ohda bholapan likhan ya ohdi chaturai likhan,
Dona rahaan te ake mere hath ruk gaye, das ohda pyar likhan ya ohdi judai likhan,
Hasse lut ke oh dilan de haal puchdi, das ohdi majburi likhaan ya bewafaai likhan

=================================

Phool aisa ho jo baag ko khushbu se bhar de, Hamsafar aisa ho jo andheron ko roshan kar de, Dost aisa ho zindagi ko khushi aur mobile ko SMS se bhar de...

=================================

Vakhre subha de sade sajan payare,
kadi gusa jeha aanda kadi lagan piyare,
gal guseh wali karde gusa aan v na dinde,
pehla dil taur dinde phir ron v na dinde...

=================================

Pyar Karnewalon ki kismat kharab hoti hai,
Har waqt inteha ki ghadi sath hoti hai,
Waqt mile to rishto ki kitab khol ke dekh lena,
Dosti har rishtey se lajawab hoti hai

=================================

Ankho me aansuo ko ubharne na diya,
Mitti ke motiyo ko bikharne na diya,
Jis raah pe pade the tere kadamo ke nishan,
Us raah se kisi ko gujarne na diya

=================================

Unj tenu Rab diya rehmata batheriya,
jithe kite jaye galla hundiya ne teriya,
Par jinne joge assi unni karange zaroor,
Koi saade like sewa hove dasana zaroor

=================================

Sawaal paani ka nahi, Pyaas ka hai,
Sawaal maut ka nahi, Saans ka hai,
Dost to duniya mein bahut hain magar,
Sawaal dosti ka nahi Vishwas ka hai

=================================

Suna hai asar hota hai baaton mein, Aap bhi bhul jaoge Do-Chaar mulakaton mein,
Lekin humse bachkar kahan jaoge, Aapki dosti ki lakeer hai mere haathon mein

=================================

Aapki dosti ki ek nazar chahiye; Dil hai beghar use ek Ghar chahiye
Bas yun hi saath chalte raho ae dost; Yeh Dosti hume umar bhar chahiye

=================================

Tu te hor kisse di ho gayi ni sannu laake Jhoothe laare,
Galiyan de vich rulde phirde ni assi Naina de Vanjaare...

=================================

Baanh phad ke rok lende tenu, je sada chalda koi zor hunda,
Asin tere layi kyon ronde, je tere varga koi hor hunda...

=================================

Adhi raat ik supna aan khloh janda,
fir sauna aukha ho janda,
pyar tere da dard meri nas nas to janda,
saun rabb di main pyar nehi kita, eh pyar taan aap hi ho janda!

Engineers vs Doctors.....

2008-05-03T12:20:00.002+05:30

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.So both groups
gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out
with the ticket and the TC goes

Away....

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So
they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can
easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All
7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE.

One Engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand
comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroo! m... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors
from the toilet and they are heavily fined.

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA):!
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their
move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets ...................
.....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train............

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT MARRIAGE

2008-05-02T18:17:00.000+05:30

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield.

2. "Ah, yes, divorce from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams.

3. "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing." - Duane Dewel.

4. "When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad." - Helen Rowland

5. "I have never really understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already well catered for in any respectable domestic establishment." - Alan Bennett

6. "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." - Jackie Mason

7. "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." - Leonardo Di Vinci.

8. "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house." - Lewis Grizzard.

9. "I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern." - Mickey Rooney.

10. "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." - Rodney Dangerfield.

Good Jokes

2008-05-02T18:16:00.000+05:30

2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.

===================

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

===================

Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

===================

How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.

===================

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them Jo Hua, So Hua.

===================

Wife : Honey What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

===================

Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega..Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya hoga.

===================

Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

===================

Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying. When a Person asked what he was doing. He replied Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar!!!

===================

Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat..
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho.??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

===================

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

===================

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

===================

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

===================

Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

===================

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

===================

Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin!!!

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

2008-05-02T18:10:00.000+05:30

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A Funny Interview

2008-05-02T18:08:00.000+05:30

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance.?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Puncture

Mistake

2008-05-02T18:05:00.000+05:30

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident

If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion

If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a new theory

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE"

This is an excellent piece of art !

2008-05-02T17:52:00.000+05:30

Take your own time .u will see

TEN NATIONAL LEADERS

within this tree.

Some funny Definitions Realted to IT

2008-05-02T17:49:00.000+05:30

Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby!

If Indian movies were to be released by Microsoft, the names of movies shall be as follows:-

2008-05-01T17:08:00.001+05:30

Munna Bhai MCSE
Kal MSN Ho Na Ho
Love in mIRC
Tere Nick
ID Mil Gaya
Chat To Kero
Ek Programmer Thi
Yeh Hack Horaha Hai
Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe
Network Ke Us Paar
Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
Aao Chat Kare
C++ Wale Job Le Jayenge
Programmer No.1
Mera Naam Developer
Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
Tera Code Chal Gaya
Har Din Jo Mail Karega
Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehtha Hai
Raju Ban Gaya MCSD
Client Ek Numbari
C ++Programmer Dus Numbari
Login Karo Sajana
Naukar PC Ka
1942 -- A Bug Story
Kaho Na Virus Hai
Crash Se Crash Tak
Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai

Latest Cool Definitions

2008-05-01T16:02:00.002+05:30

Divorce :
Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the
other.

Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the
biggest piece.

Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine
water power...

Dictionary :
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody
disagrees later on.

Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn :

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. :

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing
can be done together.

Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look
forward to the trip.

Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not
injured yet."

Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father :
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Some Tips

2008-04-04T10:57:00.003+05:30

if you want ping your blog for google search click here

Paresh Patel - My First Blog

2007-09-05T12:44:00.002+05:30

paresh patel