# What is Common between: Krishna, Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.
# Teacher to a Sardar: A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example,
Sardar: I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, So I Love your daughter.
# Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Woh RAM ke Mandir me gaya,
Ram ne kaha Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.
# Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310........ Now it is 6610"
# Santa: I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College,
Banta: Really, what is he studying, Santa : No he is not studying,They r Studying him.
# Santa Banta KO 3 live bomb mile, Police KO dene chale,
Santa agar koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..?
Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!
# Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. She rejected him. .. why ? ..
Because he writes a Love letter to her, "I LOVE U SISTER."
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Sardarji Jokes
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Introductions: 2 men and 1 women
A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 German men and 1 German woman
D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
G. 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
H. 2 American men and 1 American woman
I. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
One month later, on various parts of the island, the
following was observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.
F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican woman.
G. The two Irish men began by dividing up their part of the island into Northern & Southern parts, and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember the Irish woman because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey; but at least the English are not getting any.
H. The two American men are contemplating suicide. The American woman is bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of the household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much better, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
What happened to the Indians ??????
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The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman!!!
Friday, June 6, 2008
TAJ MAHAL POETRY
As a bachelor:
takdir hai magar
kismat nahi khulti
taj mahal banana chahata hoon
magar mumtaj nahi milti.
As a lover:
takdir hai magar
kismat nahi khulti
taj mahal banana chahata hoon
mumtaj mil gai hai magar woh shaadi nahi karti.
As a husband:
takdir hai magar
kismat nahi khulti
taj mahal banana chahata hoon
magar mumtaj nahi marti.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION IN AND OUTSIDE INDIA
1. MOTHER-IN-LAW:
IN INDIA - A WOMAN CAPABLE OF MAKING YOUR LIFE MISERABLE.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A WOMAN YOU NEVER FIGHT WITH, BECAUSE WHERE ELSE YOU WILL FIND SUCH A DEDICATED BABY SITTER FOR FREE?
2. HUSBAND:
IN INDIA - A BORING HUMAN SPECIES, WHO LISTENS MORE TO HIS MOTHER THAN YOU, AND ORDERS YOU AROUND TO SERVE HIM, HIS PARENTS AND SIBLINGS.
OUTSIDE INDIA - STILL BORING, BUT NOW A USEFUL HUMAN SPECIES THAT COMES IN HANDY WHEN THE HOUSE NEEDS TO BE VACUUMED.
3. FRIEND:
IN INDIA - A PERSON WHOSE HOUSE YOU CAN DROP INTO ANY TIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WELCOME.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON WHOM YOU HAVE TO CALL FIRST TO CHECK AND MAKE SURE HE IS NOT BUSY.
4. WIFE:
IN INDIA - A WOMAN WHO GIVES YOU YOUR UNDERWEAR AND TOWEL WHEN YOU GO TO TAKE A SHOWER.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A WOMAN WHO YELLS AT YOU NOT TO LEAVE TUB DIRTY WHEN YOU GO TO TAKE BATH.
5. SON:
IN INDIA - A TEENAGER, WHO WITHOUT ASKING WILL CARRY YOUR GROCERY BAGS FROM THE MARKET.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A TEENAGER, WHO SUDDENLY REMEMBERS HE HAS LOT OF HOMEWORK WHEN YOU START MOWING THE LAWN.
6. DAUGHTER:
IN INDIA - A LOVELY DOLL, WHO BRINGS TEARS TO YOUR EYES DURING HER MARRIAGE.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A LOVELY DOLL, WHO BRINGS YOU TO TEARS LONG BEFORE HER MARRIAGE.
7. FATHER:
IN INDIA - A PERSON YOU ARE AFRAID OF, AND WHO IS NEVER TO BE DISOBEYED.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON TO WHOM YOU PRETEND TO OBEY, AFTER ALL HE IS THE ONE PAYING YOUR COLLEGE TUITION.
8. INDIAN ENGINEER:
IN INDIA - A PERSON WITH A RESPECTABLE JOB AND EARNING LOTS.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A PERSON WITHOUT A SECURE JOB, WHO ALWAYS DREAMS ONE DAY HE WILL BE RICH.
9. DOCTOR:
IN INDIA - A RESPECTABLE PERSON WITH OK INCOME.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A MONEY MAKING MACHINE, WHO HAS A MONEY SPENDING MACHINE AT HOME CALLED "DOCTOR'S WIFE".
10. BHANGRA:
IN INDIA - A VIGOROUS PUNJABI FESTIVAL DANCE.
OUTSIDE INDIA - A DANCE YOU DO, WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DANCE.
11. SOFTWARE ENGINEER:
IN INDIA - A HIGH-TECH GUY, ALWAYS SPEAKS IN AMERICAN ACCENT, ALWAYS ANXIOUS TO QUEUE IN THE CONSULATE VISA LINE.
OUTSIDE INDIA - THE SAME HI-TECH GUY, WHO DOES GANAPATI PUJA EVERYDAY, AND SAYS 'THIS IS MY LAST YEAR IN THE US (OR WHEREVER) 'EVERY YEAR.
12. A GREEN CARD HOLDER BACHELOR:
IN INDIA - THE GUY CAN'T SPEAK HINDI, PARENTS OF GOOD LOOKING GIRLS ARE DYING TO HOOK HIM, WEARS JACKET IN SUMMER, SAYS HE HAS A BMW BACK THERE.
OUTSIDE INDIA - THE GUY CAN'T SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH, WEARS JACKET ALL THE TIME, WORKS IN A CANDY STORE AT MANHATTAN, DREAMS OF OWNING A BMW.
Sholay in Computers Company
Sholay in Computers Company
At the THAKUR's den...
========================
Gabbar sends Kaalia and his other two colleagues to Ramgad for collecting the 'loot-maar' software which he had ordered. They reach Ramgad and start shouting:
Dhaniya, an old man comes out with a floppy in his hand.
Kaalia - "Kya laye ho dhaniya?"
Dhaniya - "Financial Accounting software hai sarkar."
"Abe O Thakur! Baahar nikal !! Kahan hai wo loot-maar software, jo
hamne order kiya tha?"
Thakur comes out of his house with anger, saying: "Chillao mat kaalia !! Jaakar gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai"
Kaalia - "Bahut garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya??"
Thakur - "Nazar utha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai".
Kaalia lifts his head. He sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another water tank, punching the keys of a Laptop.
Kaalia starts laughing and says: "Haa Haa...Ye log programming karenge thakur? Haa haa... in ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate. Suno ramgad ke vasiyon, thakur ne hijdon "ki software company banaayi hai"
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chap chala ja kaalia. Ham log consultants hain, kuch bhi kar sakte hain"
Jay hits some commands on his keyboard. Then says: "Jao kaalia, gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya"
Kaalia - "Jaata hoon thakur. Agar gabbar ko pata chala ki Thakur Software walon ne uska loot - maar software nahin banaya, to wo poore network mein virus daal dega"
At the GABBAR's den...
========================
GABBAR: "Kittnay bugs thay"?
KALIA: "Do sarkaar"
GABBAR: "Woh do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhee fix nahin kar sake? Kya soch kay aaye ho?
Gabbar bahut khus hoga? Naya assignment dega, kyoon?
Iski saja milegi.. Barobbar milegi"
[ Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa ]
"Kitne sessions hain, is machine mein?"
Sambaa: Chhey Sarkaar.
GABBAR: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naa-insaafi hai.
[logout.. logout... logout....]
Haan.. ab theek hai... Ab tera kyaa hoga kaalia?"
KAALIA: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha, sarkar?"
GABBAR: " To ab documentation likh !!!"
--[LOGOUT... LOGOUT.. LOGOUT...]--
Connection Terminated.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Life Cycle or Rather Wife Cycle
Life before marriage is AIRTEL
"You can express ur self".
During honeymoon it's RELIANCE-
"Always get in Touch".
After Honeymoon it's HUTCH
"Wherever u go ur wife network follows".
After one year Life is IDEA
"Your wife can change ur life".
After 10 years Life is BSNL
"Subscriber is not reachable".
Dont Marry
Dont Marry AIRTEL girl, she will do magic on you.
Dont Marry BSNL girl, she has connections with all indians.
Dont Marry IDEA girl, she touches you tommorrow.
Dont Marry RELAINCE girl, she takes you in her mutthi mein.
Dont Marry BPL girl, she belives in the best and leave you for the rest.
Marry only HUTCH girl, she follows you where ever you go!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Some Sardarji Jokes
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......
sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is
irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India Radio!
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was chil d
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Some Jokes
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
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He is given his last chance to run away.
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I wrote your name on the sand ............ .
it got washed away,
I wrote your name in air......... ......... ........
it got blown away,
So i wrote your name in my heart....... ......
I got a HEART ATTACK
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LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But don't worry - we are chain smokers
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your smile can be compared to a flower
your voice can be compared to a cuckoo
your innocence to a child
but in stupidity
you have no comparison
you r the best
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you can hug when you r in trouble
you can cry on when you are in pain & you can embrace when you r happy
so when you need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
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when I ask you a flower,
you give me bouquet
when I ask you a stone
you give me a statue
when I ask you a feather
you give me peacock
ARE YOU REALLY DEAF ?
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I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
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1 ring means I'm thinking of you;
2 ring means I like you;
3 means I miss you;
4 means .........pick the phone idiot
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Student : WOW !
---------------------------------------
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love
---------------------------------------
SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in your personality
SO....
Brush your Teeth today onwards
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A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
---------------------------------------
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
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Teacher : YOU failure ! @ your age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind you, Sir, but @ your age hitler commited suicide.
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Friday, May 2, 2008
Good Jokes
2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
===================
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying… & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
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Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
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How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
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A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them… Jo Hua, So Hua.
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Wife : Honey …… What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing…?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour …?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
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Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega…..Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya hoga….
===================
Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
===================
Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying…. When a Person asked what he was doing…. He replied… Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar…!!!
===================
Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat…..
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho….??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
===================
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
===================
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
===================
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
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Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin…!!!
